That’s who I am. I think if my life as a joke. I’m just waiting for the sentence to end and someone to put a period there. My joke started at 13. My cousin killed himself and six months later I was raped. Of course as anyone else in the situation would, I turned to alcohol. I had the same dreams over and over reliving my rape. So I drugged myself to sleep so I wouldn’t remember them. I live pills.

I got so carried away I started taking about 15 to 20 vics a night that got so expensive I found Oxys and methadone and continued in that for 2 years. My family intervened and made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder. That sucked and my family treated me like a fragile useless little girl.

So I learned to wear my mask. Over the years I’ve continued with drinking, drugs, cutting and eating disorders. Basically anything to make this joke end faster, but it’s now- with a melted septum from coke. damaged kidneys and liver from pills. Clinical depression. Scars along my arms tibs and legs. And manic unstablized moods -That I’ve realized that this joke and this mask might be able to make someone else smile or guide someone else away from this life. I would be a hypocrite to tell you to stay away from everything.

And I know that when there’s nothing else, an escape from reality is ideal, but don’t get carried away. You don’t want to be seen as that girl always looking out of an invisible mask wondering why no one understands. Just live your life, make the best of it because let’s be honest.

There will always be drugs around, but you can’t get back those teenage years that you may spend looking out of rehab windows. – only that invincible girl.