“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Ah, that well-known phrase that is looked upon with such scorn. But why? What is wrong with saying to someone that it’s not their fault and taking the blame for the break down of your relationship? It could be worse. He could say “Actually, you know what, it’s you, not me. I’m completely free from any blame.” But mostly we try to be kind to the person whose heart we’re breaking, try to soften the blow.

It wasn’t working in my case. I could almost hear the snap of my heart as he loosened his hold on my hand and began turning away. The still-warm glow of the evening sun caught his face in profile, making his tanned skin more golden and enhancing his already-stunning features. I thought I saw a tear in his eye but maybe that was no more than wishful thinking on my part.

In my head a thousand thoughts rushed around, vying for my attention, giving me endless ideas about what to say, how to act, how should I feel. But I was numb. On this perfect summer evening, which in my earlier daydreams was to have an altogether happier ending, I felt cold, icy even. No more than five minutes earlier I had been aware of the sounds of waves crashing on the beach and the joyful sounds of laughter from families enjoying their holidays. I had watched gulls swooping for bits of discarded food, and sometimes swooping for food still in the hands of unsuspecting tourists. My skin had been alive to the warmth of the sun and the welcome gentle breezes. I had been truly content.

We had met only four weeks ago when I had been in the middle of another of my embarrassing moments. I have so many of them and this was not the worst by some distance, but embarrassing nonetheless. I had been paddling. It was one of the first gloriously sunny days of summer we had seen so I decided to drag myself to the beach. I live by the sea and rarely take the time to appreciate it but on that day I felt the need to get out of the house. After strolling around the town I headed for a small sheltered area where steps had been carved into the rocks. The sea was lapping enticingly and looked so cool and refreshing that I slipped my sandals off, rolled up my jeans to knee height and ventured a few steps down.