Written for the Triond writers challange, this is a dark take on a classic spun around current events.

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Bill and Margaret Montgomery had so much hope for their daughter Samantha. She was their princess, their hope for the future, the child that would give them loving grandchildren. Samantha was a beautiful girl with a bright future and parents who loved her. At twelve years old she was on her way to becoming a heart breaker. She was also on the honor roll at Geneva Heights High School, a cheerleader and member of the Science and Beta Clubs. Her future was wide open. That all ended in November of 2001 when Samantha Montgomery disappeared on her way home from school.

There was no body, no ransom note and no suspects. Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery posted a sizable reward but no one came forward with any real information. No one believed she had run away, she had no real reason. Her parents were strict but loving and there was no hint of neglect or abuse. She had not started dating yet so there was no family friction of a boyfriend. The plain truth was that Sam was a good girl and her parents were decent folk. She was popular in school, but also a kind person and had no enemies.

The general consensus was that she was the victim of random violence. Search parties formed and combed all the areas where a body might be hidden. Neighbors were questioned and interviewed. No one had seen anything. There were few clues if any and Samantha’s disappearance remained a mystery. Tearful televised pleas went unanswered and rewards went unclaimed. The little girl was gone and no one knew where. Bill and Margaret’s life crumbled and their dreams all withered away.

 

EIGHT YEARS LATER

She could hardly be called a little girl anymore. She was a young woman now, but only in terms of her actual years. She had lived a lifetime in eight long torturous years. The girl who was once Samantha Montgomery was a frail, shell of a woman. Her hair was stringy and sickly. Her face was smeared and dirty. In her eyes was more than a hint of madness. She sat at the table staring straight ahead and smiling at the man with the clipboard and funny glasses. He was the latest in a progression of funny men with glasses and clipboards and notebooks and funny clothes. He asked her a lot of questions and she answered them as best she knew how. She knew how to cooperate. She had learned that lesson well over the last few years. Cooperation meant reward, resistance meant punishment and solitude. Outside the room more funny men looked in at her through the glass. She smiled at them too.

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Comments (15)
  • Rod Ferrandino on Nov 29, 2009

    You described your piece well; it was easy to read, technically, clear and well-constructed. It was hard to read, emotionally, because of the darkness of the content.
    You’re a good writer, and this was good work; I’m glad I read it.

  • BullwinkleMuse on Nov 29, 2009

    This was a very gritty, unflinching gaze into the emotional aftermath of a grievous crime. You took pains to illustrate the impact on all its victims. I think the subject, and your effort here, would have been worth stretching this into several installments. As a short story, though, it’s sufficiently hard-hitting to stand alone.
    Maybe I’ll read it again while listening to “Dark Side of the Moon”. ;^D

  • Brenda Nelson on Nov 29, 2009

    I would get a gun too, but it wouldnt be myself I was shooting, it would be the kidnappers/rapers/torturers.

  • Katie Marie on Nov 29, 2009

    A well written and heart wrenching story. Inspite of the subject matter, you made it easy to keep reading without decreasing the impact.

  • Mark Gordon Brown on Nov 30, 2009

    A couple of word errors (Jack was bone, instead of born, plus earlier you said his name was Bert)
    Ox should be Oz
    and later you said many men would have wanted a son but no Bill, rather than not Bill
    otherwise a very well writen and sad tale.

  • I Have Had Enough on Nov 30, 2009

    MGB beat me to it; apart from a few word usage issues, it was technically sound. This had me gripped from the start.

  • BradONeill on Nov 30, 2009

    Troubling story, I am with B. Nelson though the shot through my head would be the third round I fired.

  • maranatha on Dec 1, 2009

    This must be a night for drk subject matter. I was gripped from beginning to end. You held interest well, and the form carried the story on. Grammatically you had a few problems; it might be worth re-visiting this piece and making some corrections.

    I can’t say I enjoyed this, for the subject matter is difficult. I am impressed, though, and will read more of your work.

  • rutherfranc on Dec 1, 2009

    that was quite a read… welcome back too..

  • SheBear on Dec 1, 2009

    Good use of the words “rainbow” and “damaged goods”. Good read even if the subject matter was dark.

  • Theresa Johnson on Dec 1, 2009

    It was an excellent piece. very disturbing to say the least. I agree there were a couple of word usage errors, but the plot definitely held this reader.

  • Ruby Hawk on Dec 1, 2009

    Your story held my interest and kept me glued to the page to the end.

  • Der Kommissar on Dec 1, 2009

    Thanks everyone for the comments both good and bad. AS for the typos, that is just lazy of me and I am going to submit a fix. I had typed the story when I didn’t have net access and asked someone to retype it so I could submit it. Then I did a online spell check instead of re reading it myself.

    AS to the names Jack and BErt it was meant to be two different children of the three. The other childs name was Ray but it seemed forced to add that in. Collectively Jack Ray and Bert were my homage to Bert Lahr, Ray Bolger and Jack Haley, the Lion, Scarecdrow and Tin man of Oz. The child she murdered was going to be Toto, but that angle seemed to be a little too silly so I dropped it only leaving the murder in to try and show just how far “Dorothy” had fallen into insanity and anger. Also just how much hate she ahd to have for her rapist and captor. To this day I cannot u7nderstand how much love a mother has to have to accept a child of rape, but many women do.

    I stand behind the use of profanity. It was meant to show just how disturbed the doctors and police were by the situation. If the emotional content of the story did not justify the profanity that was my fault as a writer.
    Maybe “spun around current event” was the wrong phrase. there was a case of a young girl being kidnapped and escaping years later after bearing children to her abductor. I used this as a seed but did not research the case for details, because I did not want to copy this incident. As far as I remeber her parents were overjoyed at her return and accepted her children, at least publicity. I really tried to walk the line with her father of shwing him to be a good man and lovign father but also with a hint of selfishness at HIS loss.
    I know this was dark and it started off lighter but a story about abuse and rape has a way of getting, to force levity from a piece like this risks becoming a parody Stories tend to have a mind of their own and I let this one follow it’s own path Thanks again for the support

  • Larissa Fears on Dec 2, 2009

    Great story. It really kept my interest and you know how difficult that can be. It was well thought out and I did like the reference to \”The Wizard of Oz.\” Thanks for sending it.

  • Duff D Moss on Dec 2, 2009

    That was gripping – but what a horror story. How many other stories are out there just like it – too many I suspect. Great use of the challenge words. Thanks for playing dude. Hope you have a crack next round too.

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