Larry by M. Jefferies

He walked in his slow, ambling way gazing around, knowing exactly where he was going but appearing not to. Arriving at his turn he glanced slowly to his right, then to his left like a pitcher winding up. The broad way to easy street looked promising but the dark alley more inviting and a whole lot more fun. He let his imagination run away with him yet again, (one of the upsides of his job being that he could do that) and pretended he was a CIA field agent with loads of experience under his belt. He had to be on his guard, he never knew what to expect from this shady character that he was going to meet.  At the moment his subject was a business tycoon, one, Crazy Carl, Crazy Carl had tried to elude the law, had almost succeeded and was growing confident, like all criminals eventually do. But in the shadow of his own pride, John had not detected the slight, gangly figure of one, Larry, creeping up on him, as a cat does on a mouse, muscles tensing ready for the kill!…

DING DONG’ Larry interrupted his own thoughts, ringing the doorbell and whistling his own little trademark tune. “Hey Larry c’mon in, the problem’s upstairs” Howard invited holding the door wide to allow room for the massive metal box Larry carried in his left hand. Morning Howard, nice day isn’t it.¨, “I suppose, got that lawn a yours mowed yet?¨ said Howard, asking the question Larry knew was coming. This particular question, a favorite among his older customers was a constant annoyance to Larry, and he thought, “Who really cares if I got my lawn mowed.¨ ‘Small talk’ never ceased to be a mystery to Larry and though he didn’t mind, that fact by no means stood in the way of his indulging in a little scratch of his head, giving Howard a pointed look in the process. The look was lost on Howard as he continued to munch his half-eaten toast. Larry slowly looked at the ceiling and answered “nope¨. Having nothing else to say the two headed upstairs, they walked into the drab room, Larry smiled to himself, recognizing the telltale signs of, what he liked to call, the ‘early and often’ user. The magazine rack holding a bookmarked copy of a long, boring, ‘old person’ book and slippers in the far corner, even down to a robe hanging on the towel rack. Getting down to business he proceeded to jiggle the handle and take the initial appraisal of his “enemy¨. “Well I guess I’ll leave you two alone”, said Howard chuckling to himself at his own joke, “just give a shout if you need anything¨. Being left alone Larry allowed his mind to return to before the doorbell, his mind was used to these little “interruptions¨. Facing his adversary, Larry raised his finger he pointed and with a look hard as nails said under his breath “HA. I’ve got you now! SO, Mr. C., we meet again.”  Then, in a much quieter and more sinister voice he said, “I have a special surprise for you today, you may be able to withstand the plunger but NO one has the gumption to meet THIS baby with anything but chicken guts.”  Larry smiled to himself, chuckled and then laughed as he saw Carl shudder and shake under the strain of his masterful strokes, John spit, he spewed but all to no avail.  When the air cleared Larry breathed a deep and contented sigh, another battle fought and won for the good of mankind, was there anything he could not do?  Suddenly in one fluid movement he was standing on the toilet singing “We will rock you” at the top of his lungs, changing the words a little to say “I will rock you” instead.  When he was done he promptly jumped down and gathered up his tools. Larry emerged from the battle. Messy? Yes. Smelling like roses? Duh, no. But who cared? Now came the fun part, the moment Larry lived for, the feeling that he had done something good, done something to help. Larry clumped down the stairs and entered the living room where Howard was pecking away at the computer his black rimmed glasses perched on his nose. Howard looked up, smiled at Larry and took a sip of tea. “Well sir?¨ Larry drew himself up to his full height, took a deep triumphant breath and in a loud voice announced “Mr. Howard Lewis you are now the proud owner of a working toilet, enjoy!¨ with that Larry wrote up a quick bill, handed it to Howard, turned, and with a lift of his hand went out the door.” Larry thought again on his way home how lucky he was to have an uncle that taught him how to fix things. All the guys at school thought he was ‘the stuff’, having his own little business already.  The girls thought he was a little weird and dirty, but what did girls know? “There was one thing though that the guys could never ever know” Larry thought, they can never know that I battle toilets, if any of the guys ever find out I name toilets I’m as good as shark bait” ..