She woke from dreams she could not remember. Her eyes fell on the empty spot beside her. No head laid on the pillow. Nobody filled the length of the fitted sheet. Just some twisted blankets from her tossing and a very faint aroma of his sweat where his body laid the day before. She took a deep breath. It was as if she were trying to embrace the essences of him. As if she were trying to connect to a man who did not want to connect. She was good enough to screw behind closed doors just as long as no one else knew.

Anger forced her out of the warmth of her blankets. It fueled her enough to brew her coffee and through her exercise routine. With each sit up, she pushed out a breath of anger. “How dare he treat me like his private whore? How dare he only offer me a small part of himself?” Those two questions danced through her brain. Pushing her until she headed for her shower.

She soaped her body. Mindful that there was not an inch of skin he had not touched. She closed her eyes as her brain tried to recapture bits and pieces of their last coupling. Her heart jumped at the memory of his kiss. How sweet the taste of his lips was. She knew she could get lost in them. The contrast of being both demanding yet gentle. It sent a chill up her spine. Maybe it was the fact that she had stood in the shower until the hot water turned cold. She jerked off the water and stepped out to dry off.

She caught her image in the mirror. She did not like what she saw. A stranger stared back at her. A stranger with sad eyes and who seemed beaten down. One who strangers pointed at behind her back and sighted “What a shame.”

As she dressed, she wondered if it was really worth it. Did a handful of hours of fun in the bedroom really balance out the loneliness she felt? To not have someone to share her life with. Was she really willing to give up all the beautiful trappings of a relationship for physical pleasure?

Then her phone beeped. Pulling her out of her dark thoughts. “Can we meet up for a quickly?” blared in bright white text. With lighting speed, she sent her answer and then slipped on her shoes to head out to work.

Even though it was still dark outside she felt as if the day was brighter than when she woke up. She scrolled down to delete his number from her phone while taking a cleansing breath. She knew it was better to be alone than to settle for less than what she deserved.