Letter to my Mother.

You took my away from anyone who cared about me. You wanted me to have to rely on you, and to keep your control over me you secluded me from the rest of my family. I don’t know anyone on your side of the family besides grandma and grandpa, who at various points I wasn’t allowed to have contact with. I couldn’t talk to Aunt K or you would get mad, multiple times with Nana as well. You took me away from Aunt Lynn and even from my own sister. I wasn’t allowed to have any contact with them or you would take my phone, but what you don’t know; I never stopped talking to Aunt Lynn or Nicole, or Abbey for that matter as you tried to take her away too. I would use other people’s phone, and once I learned to drive I would go see them. I let you think you had won, but I wasn’t going to lose my family. I never missed seeing Dominique, and you tried to make him not a part of my life. But he knows who I am and he knows how much I love him. Hearing him call me his Aunt Samsam is one of the best feelings, especially knowing that I could’ve missed the first 2 years of his life. You tried to make me go against my dad, telling me all the things he would do to you, but I knew none of it was true. Dad never hit you, as you told Grams he did. You said he wouldn’t give you money, but he gave you money for the bills then most of his paycheck for you to shop with, but you would still hide credit card bills in your drawers. You always said you hated liars, but you lie more than anyone else I know.

When I was 16 I found out about Dawn. You told me she wasn’t your daughter, she was Ricky’s daughter and you just treated her like she was your own. Well I found a picture of her in your bedside table, and she looked just like Ernie. I knew she was yours, so I started looking for her, and I never gave up. I found her, and we write letters back and forth and we’ll text. You gave her away when she was seven years old, and you never saw her again. She said she knew about us, that she wanted to find us but she didn’t want to find you. I could have grown up knowing my sister, but now we’re 32 and 19 years old trying to build a relationship that we should’ve had for 19 years. You still deny her, even after I told you I found her and she said you were her birth mother. You told me “She may think of me as her mother”. But she doesn’t. You gave her away, just as you have the rest of your children. Eddie you disowned when he told me about Dawn, and Nicole when she got pregnant with a black man’s baby.

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