Dec, 25 th 1952

Dear Mama,

I was sad to receive no correspondence from you, I do hope you received my last

letter. I pray each night that you will come visit me. I lead such a lonely existence in

here, that sometimes I just wish that they ‘ d get it over and done with.

It ‘ s Christmas eve and I keep looking back on those wonderful holiday memories and

wish that I could escape to them days, but then I look around me and see my reflection

and realise that all I ever was or had is gone. And what makes it all worse, is the

memory of the last time we spoke.

‘ Liddy, sweet heart don ‘ t do this … Please. ‘ I remember you crying.

I just kept on walking and not looking back at the woman who had raised me for

seventeen years. I ‘ m ashamed when I think of that moment, and more so because of

the way I treated you. I remember being so cold and heartless when I spoke.

‘ You can ‘ t keep me against my will, Mama. ‘ I howled.

Your eyes were so full of hurt.

‘ I refuse to be kept in this here prison any longer. ‘ I shouted in anger.

‘ You ‘ re not thinking straight Liddy … He ‘ s poisoned your mind child. ‘ You cried.

I remember hissing and screaming like a mad woman, and I didn ‘ t care that I was

losing you and daddy. And all the while Winston sat on the bonnet of his car, inhaling

deeply from his freshly lit cigarette.

I stormed to the car lugging all my worldly possessions, Winston just smiling at me

and you hollering in the background. At that precise moment I sold my soul to the

devil and now I ‘ m paying the price.

‘ Mama, stop making a show of yourself, get back in the house. ‘ I spoke for the last

time, turning my back on you all.

Oh, mama, why didn’t daddy fight for me?.. Why didn ‘ t you lock me up or do

something?
It makes me so angry to think that you ‘ ve given up on me. It just breaks my heart.

Lord knows if you ‘ ll ever forgive me, but please believe me, I need your forgiveness.

I await your reply.

Forever your daughter,

Liddy.

***

Claire couldn ‘ t catch her breath from holding back from crying. This was unlike her,

she never cared much for any one or anything, and to her she felt like a failure, crying

over the letters of a ghost. But there was a deepened sadness, and her thoughts moved

to Odessa.

‘ How could she have turned her back on her own child? ‘ Claire whispered. Her rage

began to show and in an instant, she threw her teacup into the kitchen sink.

‘ Daddy, your no better than her. You ‘ re just the same, cold and evil. ‘ She screamed in

the empty kitchen.

Reading the letters exposed the anger and frustration caused by her own turbulent

relationship with her father. She felt a connection with Liddy and related to her plight.

Lately, Claire ‘ s own existence had become a life sentence, two divorces, no money

and a preacher father who cursed every part of her existence.

From her earliest child hood memories, she could never remember her father holding

or looking at her. Even on her wedding day to Lawrence, her father never once looked

her in the eye, there was no speech recalling the fond memories he had of her, just a

causal toast to honour the happy couple. This hurt and froze her own feelings.

Lawrence and Marty never stood a chance.

Claire slowly composed herself, and lifted the remains of the shattered cup out of the

sink. She felt stupid for reacting in a childish manner, and hated herself for allowing

her emotions to gain control, especially over the letters.

She wondered if Liddy had felt trapped living in this house just as she did.

***

Jan, 29 th 1953

Dear Mama,

You still haven ‘ t wrote me a single letter. Is it that you ‘ re too ashamed of me or is it

that you have nothing more to say?

We haven ‘ t spoken since the hearing at the court house and I ‘ m frightened that I ‘ m all

alone. Please give me a sign that your reading these letters.

Mind you, I wouldn ‘ t be surprised if you hated me these days, in fact with all the press

coverage, I ‘ d be pretty sure that towns folk are making your life a living Hell. The

people of Orange Grove never did care much for us. And with daddy preaching all the

time, no one has respect for the Lords house, even white folk. Did I tell you that we

are segregated in here. The white girls bathe in real nice conditions, we on the other

hand have to share the soap!

What do people say of me?

Do they think I ‘ m wicked?

I ‘ m not so bad, underneath all the madness, I ‘ m still only an eighteen year old girl

whose in real trouble.

I have so many questions, and I need answers, truthful answers from you. And I also

need to repent. I need your help with something very important. But I ‘ m so confused

that I can ‘ t understand why it ‘ s happening to me. Lord only knows, and if daddy really

cared, he ‘ d be here now, telling me that the Lord himself will forgive me when my

time comes to pass on.

But before all that, I need to tell you about the events that lead up to that fatal night.

Winston swore blind that he ‘ d stop the drinking. And of course me being a silly girl, I

believed him. The girls where all over him in a place called the Sundance Bar, and I

didn ‘t like it. But they were women, with real curves, and Winston loved the attention.

I started to get mad, so I told him enough was enough.

‘ Winston, come one now. It ‘ s getting late and I ‘ m tired. ‘ I tried to persuade him

‘ Hey, hey baby, now hold up. We are here to have some fun, and I ‘ m going to have

some fun. Now just sit your pretty little ass down and stop hollering like a mad

woman. ‘ He snarled at me.

That ‘ s when it hit me, he was everything that you said he was. He made me so angry

mama, I wanted to run straight home to you and daddy. But I knew I couldn ‘ t.

I sat there all night watching him dancing and caressing their bodies. He loved every

minute of it, and what makes it worse is he saw the hurt in my eyes, and he new it was

wrong, but it was this that turned him on.

When he was done, he walked over to me as if nothing had gone on. He drank the last

shot straight down and winked at me.

‘ You ready for some of this baby? ‘ He asked grabbing his crotch.

The girls at the back just laughed. He was making a fool out of me and he was getting

away with it.

I grabbed my coat and followed him out, but before I got out the door, someone said,

‘ Enjoy the meat while it ‘ s still fresh Winston. You know you ‘ ll get bored real soon. ‘

I looked her in the eye, and I knew then that her fate was sealed.

I hated him that very second, and when he got me back to the motel, I didn ‘ t respond

much to his tactics at all, in fact I just laid there and let him do what he had to do. He

pushed and pulled at me.

He stank of liquor and stale smoke.

He repulsed me.

‘ Come one baby. ‘ He ‘ d whisper. ” Open your legs a little wider, remember I’m a big

boy . ‘ He wheezed as he pushed harder into me.

That night he hurt me in more ways than one, and I swear I hated him then and there.

It seemed to go on forever, I remember it getting light, and hearing the birds singing

their morning song. It reminded me so much of home, a place I wanted to be.

Having to look into his eyes hurt real bad. In fact, I wanted him dead. But that was

only because he ‘ d done things to me that no man does to a woman he loves.

He didn ‘ t really love me Mama. He just used me for his kicks and I was a fool. I hate

myself for allowing myself to be put through that. I should have known better. I just

can ‘ t believe that I was so blind.

Have you ever done something and wished that someone would just come and wipe

the surface clean? That ‘ s how I ‘ m feeling, but the saddest thing is knowing that I wont

be seeing your face again, and I have to admit the memories are fading.

I hope you find it in you heart to put pen to paper and write to me. I need to know

you can hear me.

Always Your Daughter

Liddy.

***

Claire got up from the chair and walked to the mirror. She stared hard at her

reflection, running a finger over the fine lines that sat at the corner of each eye. There

was a distinctive sadness in her eyes, a feeling of emptiness within her body had taken

its course and she was beginning to look every inch the picture of a fifty four year old

woman. Many things moulded Claire into the person she was. Her first husband, Dwayne, a white boy from the wrong side of town, treated her like dirt, the marriage

only lasted ten months. In those months, she had her nose broken twice, and bailed

him out of jail three times, each time borrowing more money from her father.

She was

only nineteen, and thought she knew what she was doing, but Dwayne, was nothing

more than bum who wanted someone to clean up after him.

She met Lawrence on her twenty ninth birthday, and it was unexpected. He was

dashing and whisked her right off her feet. In many ways, Lawrence had a lot in

common with Winston Bryce.

Lawrence loved Claire, they had two beautiful daughters, who were now in the

process of reaching woman hood. But the dream only lasted twenty years. Lawrence

grew tired of competing with Claire ‘ s obsession. She was keen on making her father

pay for her childhood misery, after all, as she always said to him,

‘ I didn ‘ t ask to be brought into this world. ‘

Claire saw a lot of Liddy in herself. And this intrigued her.