When your kid brother tells you about the monster under the bed or in the closet, don’t be so quick to dismiss it.

“What is it Eddy?” I could sense the wonder in his voice as Baco stood in front of

 

my box not five feet from me.

“I don’t really know what it is,” said Eddy. “It’s my brother’s.” He said it as if it would answer all Baco’s questions.

“I want it!” hissed Baco. “For my collection!”

“No,” whined Eddy, “I just wanted to show it to you, Tommy would kill me if I let you take it!”

Baco just laughed and I learned first hand why Eddy didn’t like the sound. It was sinister and mean and scary all at once. Then I heard the cape swirling around the sides of the box and I could no longer hear anything going on in the room. Some light coming in through the seams and slots had softened the darkness inside the box, but now, underneath the cloak, the blackness was complete. It got much colder too, and there was a musty smell, like old books that had gotten wet and dried several times.

Baco dropped the box none too gently in his hideaway, and I could immediately hear his fingers, like tree branches dragging on a sidewalk, inspecting it’s face. Just as the fingers were reaching the seam for the lid, I heard Little Eddy call out to Baco again, the way we had planned. Baco seemed irritated by the intrusion. He wanted to spend more time inspecting the newest addition to his collection, but finally, after Eddy had called out three times, he reluctantly left. I had to hope that Eddy had come up with a plan to sufficiently detain Baco. I slid back the latch bolt as quietly as I could and raised the lid very slowly.

The room in which I found myself was gigantic. Three of the walls I could not even see, and the ceiling seemed at least thirty feet high, and there were rows and rows of shelves from floor to ceiling stretching out as far as the dim light allowed me to see. The shelves were crammed full of stuff. Baco’s collection was as varied as it was large. There were toys, books, games, tools, and articles of clothing, pieces of unidentifiable machinery, plants, foods, road kill, and garbage. I would have liked to spend some time actually looking through it, but that was out of the question.

Thankfully, the most recently acquired articles in his collection were close at hand. Sitting amidst the pile of all the items that Baco had taken from our house was Elliot. He did not react at all to my presence, but at my careful urging was able to stand. In the one wall that I could see, way down low, there appeared to be an opening. It seemed to shine like a beacon in the night from the light in the room beyond. Framed by the opening I could see the edge and part of the back of the bookcase in Eddy’s room. Leading Elliot by the elbow I tried to make good our escape. The closer we moved toward the opening the more animated and alert Elliot seemed to become. Whispering, I urged him to remain as quiet as he could while picking up the pace until he was jogging, almost running alongside me. Periodically, I would peer back over my shoulder, concerned that Baco, interested in his new plaything, might materialize behind us. However, I was not looking back at the moment when Baco did just that and quickly realized what Eddy and I had done. His loud, angry shriek rang through the giant chamber.

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Comments (15)
  • alc on Aug 27, 2009

    This was an enjoyable read!! Keep up the great work!

  • Tanya Wallace on Aug 27, 2009

    The whole storyline was brilliant creating a whole lot of feelings, going from sad at the beginning, feeling sorry for little Eddy, to tense, wondering what was going to happen next then to happy at the ending! Excellent work,I loved it, very compelling read! !

  • Veronica on Aug 28, 2009

    Great Story!!

  • Shawn O on Aug 30, 2009

    Great story. I really enjoyed reading it. I’m a fan.

  • shaneprairie on Aug 31, 2009

    Wow, It really captured my attention and after I was done I wanted more!

  • Ruby Hawk on Sep 2, 2009

    What a creative story. It\\\’s wonderful. You should have it published. I loved it.

  • Anne Lyken Garner on Sep 3, 2009

    You write very well – a lot better than a large number of Triond users. I think that you have the talent naturally and should take up some sort of writing course to prove yourself to publishers (I know, it’s a sad thing that us writers have to prove ourselves).

    There is one thing I’d say and it’s that your speech tags sometimes have too many adverbs and adjectives. (He said evenly, I said quietly, He said loudly). I think that situations like that could be read in just the way the story is written (show not tell).

    Like I said, you have a natural talent for writing.

  • Rick Summers on Sep 3, 2009

    Great Read!

  • Jane Jane on Sep 5, 2009

    interesting story.. =)

  • Sourav on Sep 6, 2009

    Nice! Nice indeed! Publish it in print media!

  • lillyrose on Sep 8, 2009

    That was a very interesting read, I really enjoyed that and was sad when it was over. You write very, very well and I really think you should consider extending it and making it to a book. You could have the other people in the ‘collection’ telling a little of their story! fantastic, I shall be visiting again x

  • Chris Marlowe II on Sep 9, 2009

    Dear Mr Crerand,

    I’m happy to inform you that the Monster Under The Bed, aka the Dark Friend of Little Ed, aka the Bogeyman, is:

    Yours Truly,
    the One & Only
    Troll of Triond

  • mdizar on Oct 11, 2009

    This is nice! Thanks for sharing with us! Keep on writing =)

  • eminemgrl123 on Oct 16, 2009

    Best I’ve read on this site for a while. :)

  • XXElleXX on Dec 21, 2009

    ;-) Guess some people don’t realise that you’re already a magnificently talented writer:-) A well-written and well-crafted tale about a teenage boy and his kid brother..and a strange being who collects things and has taken up residence behind his little brother’s bookcase..scary and gothic-like..you write with a great sense of imagery David..I loved this story :-)

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