LOOK AT MY EYES

The Old Man

I awake to the dark and bitter loneliness of the world around me. My head is throbbing and my bladder is full. My age truly shows when I have no memory of the previous night, but know for sure that I wasn’t out having a good time, or out at all for that matter. I feel for the cane at the side of my bed and eventually grasp its glossy wooden handle. Pain sears into my kneecaps as I struggle to stand up. The agony is a constant reminder of my past, a daily punishment for my glory days. I let out a groan that wakes up Madeline. I hear the metal tags of her collar clanging together as she walks towards me. I pat her head affectionately.

“Good morning love,” I say as I do everyday. My life runs like clockwork. I am unable to separate one day from another as they are all exactly the same. I no longer make an attempt at progress. I end my days with the same thoughts that I start them with. My stubborn, uneventful lifestyle manifests itself in Madeline: a dog that is unaware of the fact that she is living the same day over and over.

I count my paces as I walk to the bathroom. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I count them again as I walk into the kitchen. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, step down, eleven, twelve. I sit at the table with my loving dog by my feet.

“Today’s gonna be a good day Maddy,” I say in what Madeline most likely believes to be a genuine tone.

I feel the bittersweet warmth of the rising sun and reflect upon days gone by. I think about the bright days, the colorful days. I think about Rose. I can almost hear her voice. The sight is fading. I can’t remember what she looks like.

“You woulda loved her,” I pathetically tell my dog.

I pour a bowl of cereal that tastes like wood. I eat half of it and throw the rest out. I desperately need variety. I slowly stand up and make my way to the stove. I feel the rising heat as I turn it on.. I welcome the heat. I welcome the change. I find meat from the freezer and fry a burger. I tremble with an excitement that I haven’t felt since Rose left. I smother the burger with cheese and ketchup and I savor every bite. The taste takes my breath away. It’s the taste of freedom, the taste of closure.