I arrive in Boston and settle down in a hotel room. I unpack my things and head off into the big city alone. The moment I step foot on the street that isolation starts to hit me. I feel lonely as it gets. I wish I hadn’t come. When I’m home all I think of is getting away, but when I’m away all I do is miss my home. Being here alone makes it even worse. I try implanting all these famous quotes from individuals who went out on there own and found nothing but freedom and inspiration, but I can’t help but wonder if deep down inside they really feel the same way I fell right now. Trapped, isolated and wishing they could go back to a place where they fit in. I walk around aimlessly for awhile pretending I’m from here. Trying to fit in as to not look like that weird stupid fucking tourist. I feel awkward even taking a fucking picture. I keep thinking everyone will stare at me while I’m doing it. Wanting me to get the hell out of here and out of there territory back to the home I belong in. My stomach growls, but my wallet is practically empty. I have 16 dollars to make it three days. I want to at least get off the street and find a place to eat at so I can at least kill some time till I go back home. I walk the street scanning for places that look good to eat. Everything looks expensive. Overly priced crap on dishes. Finally a place pops out at me. It appears lower class from the busted up sign out front and the crappy lighting inside, so I decide to check it out. I get into the restaurant and awkwardly sit at a table by myself. I sit there for awhile with no one coming to wait on me. Staring at my phone pushing keys. Pretending I’m not just waiting. Finally an Indian fellow comes over and gives me a menu. I stare at the menu for awhile with him standing right at the edge of the table waiting for me to order. I start to get nervous. All the prices are way to expensive. Nothing even under 16 dollars. I think I got some money on my card, but I’m not sure how much. I haven’t even heard of any of this before.
“Come on, what you want?”
“Umm can I have the barbeque chicken.”
“What? Where you see barbeque chicken.”
“Umm this thing here.”
“Oh no barbeque chicken, ok be back shortly.”
I have no idea what the fuck I ordered. I have no idea what the fuck he said. I wish I could just stand up and leave right now. I can’t do it though I feel bad. God damn this sucks. Now what do I do? I wait about 20 minutes staring at the table and looking around this beat up dump. There’s broken tables. A layer of dirt covering what I assume was once white walls. Everything in here is written in some crazy unreadable scribble of letters. I can’t even begin to be entertained by anything here. I wish I had a newspaper or something, so I could look as though I was curious about news instead of awkwardly awaiting my food by staring at walls. Finally the food gets here and he sets the check on the table. It looks like shit. Burnt chicken smothered in a green and brown sauce and barely any food at all. I take a bite and almost immediately vomit. It has a terrible almost sour first bite with a spicy after taste. I don’t want this at all, but I feel rude not eating all of it. I set my card on the table hoping he’ll come over and cash me out, so I don’t have to keep pretending I like it. Every bite hits me harder and harder, like I’m going to puke at any moment now. He doesn’t come over. I force the whole meal down and the room begins to start spinning like I’m drunk. He takes the plate away and takes my card. I need to get out of here. I’m going to get sick any moment now. He comes back and puts the card on the table and says something and I take the pen and search for the line to sign on the receipt, but there is nowhere to sign. I guess I don’t need to. He walks away and I get up and walk out. I try to walk off the nausea that is now taking over me to no use though.  The more I walk the sicker I feel. I make it abut 100 yards when I hear the Indian man screaming at me in the distance. He starts sprinting at me. What the fuck did I do? Was I supposed to bow or something on the way out. The foods coming up though. I can’t even run. As the Indian guy grabs my shirt all the food comes right back out and I puke all over his shirt. He lets go of me for a second and I begin to run. He starts chasing me, so I cut into a few alleyways and finally ditch him by going into a coffee shop. I walk in and look around for a bathroom to get cleaned up in. I’m one of four people in here and I get this feeling that everyone is staring at me. I see the bathroom in the back and walk for it. I look at myself in the mirror. I don’t look so bad, but more and more now lately I keep getting that feeling that the man that I’m staring at isn’t me. My beards really growing in thick now. My face is almost indistinguishable. My eyes appear to be more of a blue than usual. I keep the hood over my head because I like the way it hides my face in the dark shadows. My eyes don’t seem to blink once and they give off this eerie feeling when I stare into them. They have that look of a mad homeless man. Dark, quiet, and sad. I wash my face and gargle some water. I look back at myself in the mirror one last time and I can see the tranquility of the water I spit out in my eyes. I turn and walk out. I feel that weird obligation to buy something from this shop since its courtesy to buy something if you use someone’s bathroom. I get just a black coffee and sit down with a newspaper I found and sip on the coffee and begin reading through looking for some sort of music playing or something. I find a couple of things that look good. One is actually starting in an hour, but it is on the other side of Boston. I’ve heard of the DJ’s playing before, but I’ve never actually listened to any of there stuff. A rave would be fun right now. I go to buy a water and scan my card. Denied.
“What the fuck do you mean it’s denied, there’s money on it, I know for a facts.”
“Sorry man it’s denied  I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Alright I don’t need the water then.”
That would explain the Indian guy screaming at me. It makes it kind of funny now. The whole time I just assumed he was crazy, but really I had skimped him on the price of a meal. I go outside and call my bank to figure this whole situation out and I come to find out that because of my random purchases the past few weeks they shut off my card because they assumed it was stolen. I get it turned back on and head for the subway to go to the rave. I buy myself a subway ticket and awkwardly walk to where I assume I should be going. I can’t find a map anywhere, so I assume that inbound would mean into the city and that’s where I need to be. I hop on the subway and stare around at all these faces. They all remind me of mine right now. They look sad, and isolated from the world. They look as though they don’t want to talk to anyone and they don’t want anyone talking to them. It is such a hard feeling to escape once you feel true isolation. The only thing that really kicks you out of it is meeting new people, or going back to where you belong. As strange as it sounds, I’m actually starting to enjoy this feeling of complete isolation that I am having lately. I want to corrupt my mind further, for purposes of the novel I am writing. It has to be a perfect portrayal of an emotionless individual. So by manipulating my mind I can hopefully see the world from new perspectives that not everyone has ever seen before. My self research has been more than effective as of right now because I am 130 pages in to the novel, which is the best attempt I have put forward as of now.
    As I sit on the subway bored and alone I can’t help, but wonder if I should text Sarah just to see what she is up too, but I don’t want to be that creeper. I’ll let it be a couple of days before I text her again. Build up that suspense. That seems like a terrible idea. Who made all these shitty fucking relationship advice that I keep receiving? I keep believing it all too. I would probably be better off being the crazy, lunatic that I am around women because they all seem to attract to me for my dark mysterious side. I like my dark mysterious side, yet I choose not to exploit it. I cover it up and play around it, but when I release it I feel all these great things that I always hear the world talking about, but I had never understood what it was all about.
    “Next stop Boston General Hospital”
I got to get off at the next exit. I just need to forget about this girl and have a good night at this rave. Let myself get lost in trance and music. The train stops again and I get out quickly. I have no idea how to get out of here, so out of instincts I start to follow the person in front of me. Sure enough she leads me directly to the main streets. I grab a free map from the side of the road and look at where I am. I find the subway exit on the map and find where I need to be. Four streets up take a left and it’s on the left hand side. I begin to walk towards the club and I am immediately awe stricken by where I am. I am surrounded by Giant buildings all around. All dimly lit by the few inhabitants that occupy these spaces this late at night. The street light glow and the light pollution from the sky is all that makes these buildings so visible in this foggy night sky. It is unreal to look up and around at this. I have always been curious about the years of hard labor and planning that goes into one of those building, because if the design was flawed, collapse would be a certain danger and no one wants a building collapsing in a big city. The news disaster that it would become would be unreal. You could probably blame terrorists for it, or something. That’s like the ultimate defense route now for a architect. My design wasn’t flawed it was terrorists.
Clearly I witnessed a large gust of wind knock four floors right off the top.
Yeah right after terrorists loosened it up for the wind.
Man the things I will do to entertain myself on these short walks. I am freezing though. I am surprised I managed to think about architects in this cold. It must be low 20s right now. I can see the club in the distance and I decide to run to it like a fool. I walk up to the front of the building and pay my five dollars to get in. I follow a group of three guys and two girls through this long dark passage way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and as we get closer the music begins to get louder and louder. Right as we were about to exit this dark tunnel they stop moving. I maneuver through them thinking they are discussing plans, but once I reach the front with them I realize immediately what they had been looking at. We are on a balcony about ten feet above 200 people. Below is flashing lights, lasers, fog everywhere and 200 people all sweating and dancing away to the music. Immediately goose bumps rush though my body and I let out a scream. The group of people I walk in with join in with me and we all rush down the stair with such excitement to become part of this atmosphere. When I get to the bottom I hear those magic words. Molly, acid. Fanny packers. I always heard the fanny pack rumors about people that go to clubs with fanny packs filled with some of the greatest of the great. They are supported by the club managers, but indiscreetly as to offer no connection between there association with drug dealers.
“Hey what do you want for a .1”
“It’s ten a tenth, but I only got .2 baggies, but if you throw me 20 I’ll throw in a tab as well, because I’m about ready to start going wild as well.”
“Yeah I’ll take that deal.”
“Wild man, who you here with?”
“I’m here solo.”
“Well man how about we stick together man because I need a wingman as well.”
“Yeah definitely”
“Right on now lets go blow this.”
“We go into the bathroom and he pulls me into a stall and takes a small folded up plate out of his fanny pack. In the two stalls next to us you can hear the sounds of everyone doing the same thing as us. We remain quiet, so not to attract attention. He cuts it out into two equal piles. I snort half, then lick the other half.
“Why did you lick half of it?” He asks.
“I always do. I get that immediate rush and then the lasting rush from licking it. I always feel as though when I snort it, it only lasts like 20 minutes.”
“That’s because your shits been cut big time.” He responds laughing loudly now. He pulls a little more molly out of the bag and splits it to two piles.
“Snort this and tell me how you feel in 20 minutes, not only will you not be coming down, but you will be only in the beginnings of the peak. Here’s your tab as well too. Take it if you think you can handle it.”
The molly was already kicking in hard for me. My body starts getting really hot and. I could feel the beat of the music in my head from through the bathroom door. All I wanted to do was dance. I let my arms wave into my body with my hand stopping at my face and I placed the tab onto my tongue.
“Right on man, let’s get the fuck out of here and get out there where we belong.”
We sprint through the bathroom doors and I grab his shoulder and he drags me through the crowd till we are about directly in the center of the crowd. I spin around once and see the blurs of the people’s faces around me. Exhausted sweating with uncontrollable smile’s. The lights kick off and fog fills the room. A beat slows down, the beat gets quieter and quieter then boom. The light fly on flashing. A loud deep fast paced bass. My whole body tingles and dances to the music uncontrollably. My arms wiggle and wave and most of my body quivers with shivers up my spine. Tossing and turning my body into uncontrollable dance movements. My vision blurs and I am alone in a club. A dark room surrounds me and I am alone dancing to this music. I do not feel uncomfortable in the least bit. I finally feel free to do whatever I please without the world watching me. There’s no cameras staring at me in this dark abyss, no eyes, just myself, free of all judgment from this world.
    I am kicked back to reality by a sensation of warmth, to find two girls staring directly at me, me and that guy, I don’t think he ever gave me his name.
“Bryan I want you to meet Penny, and Jill, there good friends of mine.”
I stare directly at them with what I can only imagine to be a huge smile on my face, for how beautiful they both are. Penny is tall and skinny with golden blond hair, wavy and flowing beautifully down past her shoulders, She was wearing a black silky dress and had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
    Jill on the other hand was just as tall and was extremely tan and wore a ocean blue dress. She had wavy brown hair that matched perfectly with the brown in her eyes. I immediately became trapped in those eyes and the music seemed to quiet down. They could both have been models. They began staring my direction and gave a quiet giggle to one another. I wondered what I had done wrong, or if I had something on my shirt, or something, but then they both came a little closer. I could feel the warmth of there bodies as they moved there mouths closer to my ears.
“You want to dance?”
This is ecstasy. Not the drug. The actual feeling. Where is this luck coming from. I look like a scum bag, piece of shit low life, that just did a whole bunch of drugs and these two girls want to dance with me. This is what ecstasy means. I nod my head and put my hands out and take both the girls by the hands and get on one knee and give a light kiss to the hand of both the girls and stand back up and begin laughing. They both start to laugh as well and we begin to dance. The lights flicker our bodies move. My hands shoot for the ceiling and are met by another’s hands. They are slowly brought back down. Making a slow decline, down the silk dress . The cold smooth texture numbs my hands and we sway our bodies in unison. I can’t make out whose face is whose in the flashing lights and the fog and smoke that is filling the club. We all let out a howl to the sky and I feel hands on my face. I reach through the mist and find the face of the one whose hands are  on me. I place both hands on the face of the other and pull her in closely and begin to kiss her. I feel my head being pulled a separate direction and soon one pair of hands drop from my face and another’s are placed upon and my lips met by those of another girls. The smoke slowly fades down and the music slows. The lights flicker slowly and our lips part. Then the lights go black. When the lights go back on  Jill and Sara are in front of me kissing each other. They pull me in close and we all begin move are lips perfectly together with the music. Our noses brushes. Their eyes close and my imagination is destroyed. No fantasy, or dream could be more perfect than this moment in time. After a few minutes I am dragged out of the crowd to the side of the club and thrown onto a couch. They both sit down next to me and I put my arms around both of them and pull them in close. They lean over me and we begin to kiss. Letting are movements be decided by the moment.
“You two kiss again” I say completely enticed by the beauty in the bizarre. There lips meet one another’s again and I watch from inches away completely entranced by the beauty in their ability to forget about what the world views as correct and feel comfortable enough to explore what would be considered dangerous territories to many. Two girls kissing is not what I found to be so beautiful, but the two girls ability to explore forbidden boundaries in pursuit of momentary ecstasy and feel no regrets.
    I leaned in again and closed my eyes to have the black of my eyelids filled with stars that I imagined myself flying through. A surreal fantasy of my mind. No time, no worries. A blank clear consciousness. No thoughts of the future, no remembrance of the past. Just a mind finally focused on now.
    For only what seemed to be a blink of an eye we kissed, but from cues of a dieing down club and a new Dj on the stage I realized that the club was approaching closing time. The two girls stood up dragged me to my feet and out of the club. We made it into the street and the acid was beginning to peak hard. The building all looked so close like they were huddling over us, trying to warn us of something.
“Where are we going?”
“Were going back to our place. Do you have a problem with that?”
“No not at all.” I responded All the lights in the city gave it this strange unreal glow. It was hard to believe that it was all real.
We finally reached the hotel the girls were staying at and they rushed me through the lobby and into the elevator. They pressed there floor number and I grabbed a hold of them and began kissing both of them again. My body felt so numb, yet so alive. I felt as though I could do anything. The elevator flew up 18 flights in what felt like seconds and we ran to the door of the hotel the girls were staying in. They opened the door and I rushed in. Trying to get out of site from the world because I hate tripping in public. I always feel as though every knows I am tripping which really turns your mind to darker places that try to fight the drug and right now I just wanted to enjoy every minute of this fantasy. I jump onto the bed and lay back. They lock the door behind them and begin to undress. I rip off all of my clothes. If you would have blinked you wouldn’t have even known I was wearing clothes at one point that night. We all lay naked on the bed and I slowly begin kissing the two of them while slowly feeling my hands around the two of them finding places that give off good reactions. Jill slides down towards the end of the bed and Penny get on top of me. My hands seemed to be guided by an unknown force. The heat from our bodies was comforted the cold dimly lit room and seemed to show a glowing aura around the dark figures. As I was again becoming lost in trance a knock came from the door.
“Get into the bathroom quick.”
“What?”
“Go!”
I rush into the bathroom butt naked and sat there for a second while I listen to them go and open the door.
“Yes were home now, no were just going to bed, yeah it was all right. Love you too I’ll see you in the morning.”
The door shuts and I am dragged back out of the bathroom and thrown back down onto the bed.
“Wait a second, what the fuck was that?”
“What?”
“What the fuck do you mean what, who was that?”
“Oh just my Mom don’t worry about it. She was just making sure we got home ok.”
“How old are you two?”
“I’m 16, Jill’s 17”
“What the fuck do you mean your 16 and 17. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
“Calm down were not going to tell anyone.”
“I don’t give a shit if your not going to tell anyone It’s not moral. I can’t have sex with you. You are little girls still. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck did I get myself into.”
“Your over reacting like a little pussy. Who cares how old we are?”
“The law cares and I fucking care. I want no responsibility in the corruption of you two.”
“You aren’t corrupting us. You exposing us to great things.”
“Oh what the fuck did I just do. No this is not great. Fuck where‘s my pants? I got to go”
“You mean these.”
“Yes throw those at me.”
“Only if you finish what you started.”
“I’ll attack you for those I’m getting out of here before that door is busted down by the men in blue escorting me away into a life of imprisonment for rape and drugging little girls”
“Technically we can already call rape. You did already stick your dick up in Penny. Penny was he raping you?”
“Maybe I’m not sure yet.”
“You fucks you better give me my stuff back.”
“Come get them from me there underneath my naked body and your going have to get on top of me naked as well so I think that would constitute as raping me as well.”
“You sick fucks. Give me my fucking clothes.”
“Rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, help” Penny screams slowly getting louder and louder with the screams. I run over and jump on top of her to get her to quiet down. And Jill grabs my cock and starts sucking on it.
“You made me do this.”
I pull back and Penny grabs my arms.
“You fight back and we say you raped and abused us.”
The rest of that evening was more or less a blur. I grabbed all my clothes through them on and sprinted out of the hotel room. I got into the road and began running and running, until I couldn’t run any longer. What the fuck had just happened? I need to block this whole night completely out of my head. I look at my phone for the time. I’m only 5 hours into the night. I still haven’t even peaked on the acid. I had almost completely forgotten about the high levels of  drugs I had induced into my body. I begin walking around. I am completely lost and confused as to where I am now. The acid is kicking in hard. I feel the paranoia more intense because of it. I start to hear voices trail off from the distance. Figures start appearing in the darkness and begin haunting me with every step. Dark clouds seem to appear over head in the nighttime skies. I stop and listen all around me. Whispers and squeaks. I look left. I look right. Nothing. I get chills in my neck and my body tenses up. Bring it on darkness. I put my hands up to fight, but the figure goes away. I walk down the path to nowhere with light footsteps trying to keep from making any sound. For such a big city, I haven’t seen a single person in what seems to have been eternity. As I walk further I start to see signs of life. A glowing area that seems to not be connected in any way to Boston. The noises seem like foreign nonsense to me. Out of curiosity I continue on to see what these sign of life are. As I get closer I see figures running around every where. Disappearing into the darkness to reappear with some new box and then setting it down on the side of the road and disappearing again to reappear moments later with another box. They must be ninjas. Where has this path taken me? They all wear dark clothes and  move around with such ease. I must be the only one who can see them because the acid has slowed down time. The ninjas run around jumping and screaming at one another. It all appears so chaotic. But I am completely enticed by the whole situation. My legs move forward, but my mind begins to fall behind. Who are these people that roam these streets late at night? Incoherent noises are shouted out by two men in the distance. Screaming nonsense at those emotionless faces. They continue moving around like bees around a beehive. All making random movements from one place back to another carrying boxes of fruits and what appears to be blankets back and forth from a car to a table. As I approach the crowd no one looks up. I seem to be invisible to these people as they would have been to me. They keep their heads down and avoid eye contact. Short glances at these faces starts to give me feelings of paranoia. There eyes appear closed. There faces emotionless. Just moving without even the slightest bit of knowledge of my presence. They don’t seem real. A man comes running directly at me arms full of boxes charging at me with a face filled with rage. I jump backwards to avoid being plowed over. He continues on running forward. Another man begins to yell in the distance seeming to be looking in my direction. He starts walking over towards my direction. His voice sends cringes up my spine. His pitch deepens and his pace slows. His eyes turn red and he begins to smile. My legs become stuck. My body shakes. I feel every beat of my heart in my chest. Faster it picks up as the man approaches quicker. Soon everybody stops moving and begins to stare. I am frozen. I want to run, but I can’t seem to move. I put all my effort I can strengthen into lifting my leg to no use. I am stuck. I begin to sink into the pavement. My breathing stops. I begin to feel my skull boil. My eyes feel as though they may bust out of my head. I hear the click of a watch. The clicking begins to come quicker. The men continue to stare without moving as well. The clicking continues. Faster and faster. The men start to step in my direction. I want to run. Get me away from these people. For some reason curiosity killed the cat keeps repeating in my mind over and over again. Am I the cat. Will this explain the great mystery of the cats death? The lights seem to stretch in close to my face then return to the lamp they are illuminating from. They are alive and breathing. The tick is going so fast now you can barely tell it is even ticking. Everything appears to breath. A distorted world. Closing in to expand out. A loud bass surrounds me. Pulling my head out as is quiets and pushing my skull in on my brain as it grows louder. Then the ticking stops. Everyone begins to walk my direction. I feel once more for my legs. A tingle is sent from my spine straight down my leg to my toe and my leg lifts from the ground. I turn around and I begin to run. I am lost completely lost and don’t know where to turn, but my adrenaline is kicking . I run past people on the street never once looking behind me. I don’t want to know what may be following me. I peer down every street, looking for signs of safety. My only hope for survival is to make it to a subway and get to my hotel before the darkness creeps it’s way in on my. If I am to let fear take over I will surely not make it through the night. It will be a long horrific experience unexplainable to the non drug users mind. The closest thing you can imagine to the fear is what it would feel like to know of a certain death at some point in the next few minutes. You begin to think irrationally with no way to help yourself. Your mind turns on you and you can fight all you want, but a fight will only make this fear worse. Once you have entered the fear there is no escape besides time, but time can feel like eternity when you feel as though you no longer exist. When you can’t handle life and seconds can feel like day in an uncomfortable, scary place your only hope for survival through the night is a friend, or a hospital, but a hospital will probably treat you as a mental patient which may make this fear even worse.
Safety couldn’t come at any better of a time. The subway in clear view. I make a dash for the entrance. Swipe my card and through some great working of the earth I arrive just in time to the opening of the subway doors. Although it feels like a set up it is my only chance of survival. I walk through the doors wearily and sit in the emptiness. I stare ahead into the flashing of lights and the passing of walls until I finally reach my destination. I walk to my hotel with my head down avoiding looking at anything around me for fear of what I may see. I walk into the hotel. Take the elevator to my room and open the door to the great sensation of safety. I lock the deadbolt and lay in my bed. I attempt to sleep with no luck for the drugs are still fully active inside of my head. I pass the remainder of the time staring at the ceiling awaiting day break, so I can finally make my departure back home too that comfort zone I so desperately need right now.