The following came from a history textbook written by someone hoping to get fired so he could work on a screenplay with a starfish. Instead he got a promotion.

After King John signed the Magna Carta in 1215 granting noble’s rights they never possessed before, Robin Hood threw a ninja star into his head while Little John hurled a katana into a nearby Sheriff of Nottingham (who was resurrected from the dead purely for this occasion). In fact, the reanimated Sheriff of Nottingham was standing right next to King John while he signed this immensely important document in British history. So important was this document that a copy (replica extraordinaire) of it is featured on display at The National Archives. King John, the same one spoken of in the legends of Robin Hood (that later gave to the rich and gave to the poor (which considering the status of his estate during the events mentioned in the tale while King John was ruling in proxy for an absentia King Richard, meant that Robin Hood must have given to himself as well because he was of the “negative cash flow persuasion” after the family Locksley was both luxury and the lap it sat on. He was Robin of Locksley now. Just Robin. It seems to be a fair interpretation of the legend. King John never seemed to be able to catch a break. Anthony Hopkins played his brother Richard in a movie yet who played him? Nigel Terry. Who’s Nigel Terry? I don’t know. My point exactly. O poor King John, Lackland, pitiful Softsword our hearts pour out to you indeed for such mercy is justified by the outcomes of historical happenings. In every version of Robin Hood, you’re the bad guy but why? You eventually gave medieval Britain a push in the right direction towards democracy. The Magna Carta. Then again, maybe it was encounters with Robin Hood that made him think better a push in the right direction than a kick. Maybe dealing with Robin Hood pre-ninja star made the mindset that would allow you to sign The Magna Carta all the more easier.

Now, in the story of Robin Hood a decree King John made somehow strips him of his property and title. So he takes to the streets forms a gang of merry men, and they decide to redistribute the wealth generated by excessive fines and levies to feed the power presumably liberating them from hunger and other pangs of poverty. It’s sad he took from the rich and gave to the poor but who knows what that really means. Technically Robin Hood was poor. So if, let’s say, he pocketed 90% of what his merry men took he still technically never contradicted himself. Clearly, Robin Hood was no fan of supply-side economic theory it would seem. Robin Hood would probably say to Calvin Coolidge, “Eat lead Coolidge” or “speak this Reagan” because he fumbled the line after he realized that he couldn’t figure out a cool thing to say to Reagan because he already said the coolest thing he could think of on Calvin Coolidge. Robin Hood wrote down in a journal: