As I stood there trying to figure out my next move I thought I heard laughter coming from the garage. Slowly I made my way forward. There I saw three squirrels grouped together. As one they turned toward me.

   “What are you looking at?”

   I stared back in disbelief. Then I began looking around the garage. This had to be some kind of joke.

   “Hey, I’m talking to you big boy.”

   I looked back at the diminutive squirrels. Not only was one of the squirrels talking but he was also doing De Niro or Pesci. I couldn’t tell.

   “Look, guys. Big boy can’t talk. You think he forgot how?”

   “I don’t think he’s ever seen squirrel’s wearing masks,” the taller one said.

   “Maybe it’s the weapons. Maybe he’s never seen squirrels carrying weapons,” the short, fat one added.

   Not only were the squirrels talking but they were now making fun of me. I didn’t know what to make of it.

   “Who are you guys?” I asked.

   “We are the Middle Aged Mutant Ninja Squirrels,” the fat one said.

   “The MAMNS?” I asked again.

   “Hey, buddy. It’s not supposed to make sense. Okay?”

   “I’m sorry, it just sounds funny.”

   “Funny how?” the first one asked.

   I now knew he was doing Pesci.

   I resisted the urge to continue with the bit. “What do you want?” I asked.

   “We want your nuts,” the fat one said.

   I involuntarily slammed my knees together and half turned away. My first fears were coming true.

   “No, you idiot,” the tall one said. “We want the nuts in your front yard.”

   “And if I said no?”

   With that they vaulted in to the air. Pesci landed on my head. The fat one hit me in the shin with his num chucks and the tall one stabbed my left buttocks with his tiny sword.  I spun quickly but Pesci reached down and grabbed two handfuls of my eyebrows. Dropping to my knees I again screamed like a little girl.

   “What did I ask you for?” Pesci said. “I mean, I’m asking you for a favor.”

   “Okay,” I screamed. “Take the nuts.”

   With that they jumped, did a somersault, and landed in front of me looking like three little stuffed animals.

   “That’s all we wanted,” the tall one said.

   “You couldn’t have said that earlier and saved us the trouble?” Pesci said.

   I was facing them when I glanced over their shoulder and saw my dog, Otis, looking in the door with his head lowered. A low growl sounded and rose into a high-pitched bark. The three squirrels turned as one when Otis made his move. He charged toward them, teeth showing. Pesci dove to the side then lunged toward Otis. In a matter of seconds Pesci was straddling Otis while he ran around the garage. The fat one threw a rope with balls attached to either end. They wrapped around the dog’s legs and he fell to the floor then skidded against the back wall. Pesci rolled off and landed on his feet.

   “Now, I believe you owe us some nuts,” he said.

   With that said they strutted out to the front yard, the Middle Aged Mutant Ninja Squirrels. I knew no one would ever believe me yet I told everyone. Hindsight tells me I should have kept quiet.

   Now I stare out my barred window, hoping the Middle Aged Mutant Ninja Squirrels make a visit to the Greenlawn Sanitarium. It’s been a year and I haven’t seen them. I know they’ll show up. They have to. I keep telling my doctor they’ll be here. He just shakes his head and takes notes.