She went to the restaurant wearing her favorite dress. There would be no reservation. Nobody was waiting for her to open the door. Nothing about this night spoke of love or romance. This was just one night away from the reality she called life.

How easy it was to blend in to the crowd on the way to her favorite theatre. It was so dark that nobody noticed the woman sitting alone in the back row. She laughed when they laughed and cringed when they cringed. She was just another adult sitting in a dark movie theatre waiting – for nobody.

It was a little more difficutl here. The new hostess gave her a pitying look as she asked to be shown to a table for one. The couples and the families at  the other tables gave sidelong glances as she passed. You could almost feel the pity as it rushed across the room. Nobody likes to eat alone.

But Gina was different. She was accustomed to her routine of going out once a month just to get away from it all. She would take care in her appearance – bathing, primping and spraying until she was the picture of perfection. She waited for the babysitter to arrive and then she would walk out the door with assurances to little Johnny that she would be home in time to tuck him in. 

There were no friends she could turn to. Most of her female companions were married or had no children at all. They couldn’t understand what it was like to work a full time job during the day and come home to work a completely different job at night. They had responsibilities, but the responsibilities were different. Besides, most of her friends thought it was sad that she was alone. They could never understand that she was taking this time to just figure out who she was without the hassle of trying to please somebody else. Nobody could believe she was happy just the way things were.

Sure, it was difficult getting up every morning and knowing she had to go to work or the bills wouldn’t be paid, but she didn’t have to worry about who was going to beat her or tell her how stupid she was. She wouldn’t have to wash someone else’s laundry and fix their meal when they had been sitting at home all day then listen to them gripe because the food wasn’t cooked just right. 

Gina was genuinely happy. She had a beautiful son that loved her when she came home at night. He was happy to see her and didn’t get mad because the dishes weren’t done before she read him a bedtime story. Johnny was so easy to take care of. He loved her because she was his mother and for no other reason. She didn’t have to pretend to be somebody else. She needed only offer him the love and protection that comes so easily to most.

No. Tonight wasn’t a night to be pitied. Tonight was a night to celebrate the life she was living. Her one night a month to get away and learn what it was she liked to do. She loved being a mother to Johnny, but she loved being Gina as well. Sometimes, she just needed to get away in order to find the balance between the two.

And, who knows, maybe someday Gina would look across the restaurant and find another soul looking across and smiling. Some day. Once she figures out what it is she really wants out of life.