(lights come up on a SPEAKER is standing on stage)

 Crazy is too easy of a word to describe my mental state. I have multiple personalities that have multiple personalities. I have a Irishman but he thinks that he is Jamaican and “(Irishman) an me don’t know watt me s’posed ta do, Mon” (normal) And now that is when the Irishman, not the Jamaican one but the one that’s having sex with the Jamaican/Irish man sister, who thinks he’s Scottish, wakes up with a hangover and has a couple of drinks because in my mind every one is stereotypical. IT MY HEAD DON’T JUDGE ME!

And after those two settle what ever they need to work through. They usually end up drunk and beating up a Russian while singing either “No Woman, No Cry” or “Amazing Grace” Depending on who won the argument, I then turn around and I see a redneck yelling at my boss at work. The problem is my boss is a 4’ 3” Vietnamese woman. And all I catch is the tail end of the fight.

(Redneck) “Why the hell the hell don’t you learn the language we all agreed pon”

(Vietnamese) “What are you saying? You crazy.”

(Redneck) “You ain’t speaking the English any good.”

(Vietnamese) “You speak it worse”

 And just to prove my point this isn’t my real voice. (Helium) This is. Ah that fells better now. I’m glad you don’t mind this is so much better. I feel comfortable. Oh yeah (Normal) this guy (Helium) well I am just trying him out and because this asshole like to have his head shaved. (German) zis voice vouldnt verk to vell in zee hoots ya (normal) so this is what I stuck with. And you what? I don’t get my ass kicked as much as when I use (helium) this voice.