I am ashamed of myself! I am ashamed of my family name. Every day I feel like killing myself. It is better to die than to live a life of suffocation. I do not know why I have to live. This stigma is too much to bear! I do not know why God have to keep me alive. The bitter memories of my ugly experience have turned me into a mad beautiful, young and a weeping mother.

I know that there are uncountable young innocent girls all over the world that are been molested sexually by the men they call their fathers. I grew up with a predator. I thought he loved me. I thought he cared for me. I thought he was protecting me from men. I called him “Daddy”. He was my god. I grew up to see him carrying me on his legs. I enjoyed sleeping on his arms. He was always sitting by my bed side and singing me to sleep. He was always attending to me because my mother was too busy for a child.

At the age of fourteen my father’s behavior became changed toward me. I thought it was normal. He would watch me changing my clothes in front of him. I saw him several times gazing at me and shifting in his position. Then he began to touch my breast. I thought we were just playing, because we used to play together a lot. In the night he would come into my bed room and begin to touch every part of my body.

It is hard to say that my own father raped me. [Weeping]. He disvirgined me and got me pregnant. I did not how pregnancy was. I did not know that I was pregnant. It was in the fourth month that my mother became suspicious of my appearance. She then took me to see our family doctor. When the test revealed that I am four months pregnant my mother collapsed. Then followed the interrogation of who got me pregnant. At first I wanted to cover up for my father. I considered the disgrace and the pain it will cause to my family. Though he deserved no mercy but he was a good man. He looked at me during the interrogation and said in tears, “My daughter! Speak the truth”. So I spoke the truth. I told them that the only man that had sex with me is my father. Then my mother fainted again after I narrated what transpired between us. And this time she was rushed to the hospital.

Another tragedy, I was at the hospital attending to my mother when the police brought the corpse of my father. He could not stand the humiliation that was coming to him as a result of his evil act. He then shot himself on his head. Before he took his life he dropped this suicide note and it reads, “My dear family, I am sorry for this evil that I have done. I have brought shame and pains to you. I wanted to be a good father but the devil turned me into a monster. He took the best part of me and gave his ugly part. I have become a monster. This monster can no longer live among you. I am sorry that I have to end my life this way. I have no one to blame but myself. Please, my daughter forgive me. Please, my family forgive me. Good bye…”. Now I do not know what to do. I do not know where to face.

Discussion Points

1. What will make a man to go after his daughter?
2. What do you think the writer should do to the pregnancy? Why?
3. What is your advice to the writer and to other girls out there?

Comments

Proverbs 17: 6 says “Children’s children are the crown of old men. And the glory of children is their father”. But today what do we see and hear? Fathers that brought shame and pains to their children. Though it is easy to accuse the devil of pushing one into evil acts but one allowed it. If you allow the devil to give you decision then he shall also give you direction. And the direction is always the wrong one. Your evil heart desire will always attract evil to you.

Selfishness is one of the evil weapons that pushes weak fathers to go after their daughters. They admire the beauty of their daughters and agree with the devil that no other man would have their daughter but them. A daughter should not be closer to her father than to her mother. She should learn from her mother while sons should learn from their fathers the role each should play in family building. The mothers that distance themselves from their daughters have to be blamed for what befalls on them. And secondly, a mother that fails as a wife always pushes her daughter to her husband. You are not close to your husband, you allow your daughter to take your place. You have a strong blame for what happened. Some mothers are just too busy to be there for their husbands and for their daughters. There are questions pertaining to womanhood that a daughter supposed to ask only her mother. A daughter is pregnant for four months her mother did not know. So what kind of mother are you? Sexual molestation of children and girls can be reduced by mothers. You have to be there spiritually and physically for the children mostly your daughters, monitor them. Were you not the one who carried that child in your womb for nine months and breast fed her? I am not saying that fathers should not be close to their daughters but they should push their daughters to their mothers to learn what pertain to women. As they grow up there are numerous questions about sex, menstruation, pregnancy, pre-natal and post-natal care going on in their minds. Turn away your eyes from assessing your daughter’s breasts and private parts. Order her to cover up properly. Girls be decent in your dressing. Do not expose your breasts and private parts before everyone especially before your father, brothers, uncles and cousins. Cover up!

The writer is already carrying a child in her with a destiny. Do not abort the pregnancy, give birth to the child and give him for adoption if you cannot face him. Then move on with your life.