This is the story of how my mother became a baby mama.

To save him from embarassment and to prevent readers from tracking him down and beating him into the earth where he deserves to be, I will retain his name and refer to him as *Joe in this particular article. So Joe entered my life when i was around nine years old. I hated him from the beginning. My favorite story is when I met him for the first time, it was at my friends house and we ran around the apartment sticking our tongues out at him. Soon after, the unthinkable became reality. He knocked up my mom and decided to marry her. I feel like im rushing through this, lets start with a little background information first. He painted houses for a living and lived in the middle of nowhere across the yard from his parents and deadbeat younger brother. I say across the yard but what I really mean is, his parents lived in our backyard. This seemed quite strange for a city girl like me to suddenly be moved to where I had to deal with coyotes, vegetable gardens, barns and smelly, old people living in the back yard. Why my mother was attracted, at all, to this man or this lifestyle is still beyond my comprehension. As you can see, I was not at all pleased with this life change and on top of all this, there was a wedding and a baby on the way. The wedding was lovely at the time, but looking back it was a bit unconventional. We drove to the wedding in a minivan and the reception was in a tent in out backyard. Yes, the same backyard where his parents, younger brother, and later his nephew live in. After a few months of living with Joe we all came to see his real personality and, personally I was fed up with it but I would not recieve any form of relief until five years later and even then, he was not completly removed from my life as wished. We eventually moved to the city but, like they say, you can take the hick out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the hick. He quit painting finally, seeing as it was obviously going nowhere but into the ground, and got a real job as a salesman. With that job as a salesman came a snotty little secretary that would, unknowingly, save my life. Yes, it’s cliche, running away with the secretary, but if you knew Joe you would know he’s not one to be original. So for the next four years I would be tortured by this fake father figure until finally my mother came to her senses and filed for divorce. But only after she humored my best friend and I by throwing all of his clothes into the front yard at around nine o’clock in the morning when he failed to come home the night before. As i said before, he’s not very original. This is the story of how Joe became my mommas baby daddy.