Not me, not this time!

Why is it no one listens to me? All I said was I’ll cook you a meal mum, Sounds simple but its not, I’m the only son in the family, how will it look when she turns up? Me on crutches on disability pension years after the Gulf war. A failure that’s how I’ll look no doubt about it pal! Who are you talking too? You have done it again haven’t you talking to yourself walking down the street numb-nuts.

“Yes hi a bottle of chardonnay please, no, the other one that’s it, thanks a lot,”

“ A special occasion? Oh yes my mother is coming over for Sunday lunch its been 5 years I’m a little apprehensive to be truthful”

£9.50 she says! £9.50 for cheap corner shop plonk, bloody rip off.

“What’s that you said bastard? Give me the bottle and my phone and anything I’m carrying! Do yourself a favour mate, not this time! leave and piss off then go back to the stone you crawled under from.”

 “What did you say! give us it now you old cripple!”

“Look officer he tried to mug me! My mother is coming round anytime now. No I won’t put my hands behind my back, what’s wrong with you? Dead so what he tried to mug me. Only he fucked up didn’t he! My dear old mum always says don’t judge a book by its cover! She should have told him that, call me an old cripple Stroll on!  No Are you deaf, I’m not putting my hands behind my back idiot, who will carry the wine? It wont be that ole broken neck bastard thats for sure!

                                   The End

Lord Banks