“i can’t take it anymore!” screams Karen as she fumbles for the door handle and breaks off into a run toward the donut shop.”got to… got to get some eats!!” she cries.”run honey!! save us all and get some donuts and pizzas!” cries out bob.

well,all the commotion drew out the townspeople.they had seen this same type of charade played out a thousand times before.they were no friends of fat people either.they watched the huge land whale wobble and totter towards the ice cream,candy,and pizza shops…and fall after 50 yards of movement.

“whew..i … i got to get…food!” the land whale panted and gasped.the cops strode up to her.”wow.you collapsed after only 50 yards of running.a new record low.” with that they undid they flies and urinated on her.Karen passed out.bob and Frieda cried in horror.to revive her the cops put a stun gun to her blubbery rolls.each time they stunned her she’d let out a sad,wet fart.eventually they got a rig from a tow truck and hooked her up to her folks minivan.”alright now,just drive straight through town-do not stop,and reconnect with the interstate.you lard asses can refuel and eat in the next town.” as bob drove away towing his daughter like a fleshy Hyundai behind his car the townspeople watched them leave with scorn.the DO NOT FEED THE HIPPOS labels and stickers still firmly attached where the cops had placed them on Bob’s minivan.the townspeople and police watched them go and felt good.safe and secure in the knowledge they were keeping their city lean and clean.

wouldn’t it be nice if more cities in America could take their beautiful example to heart.

an original work by dick butz

it’s my name

it’s what i do