A tender love call, romantic seduction and open communication are more amicable ways of initiating sex. But, when pleasure turns into pain and love turns brutal, it becomes necessary for the couple to learn the true art of love-making. Gentle does it, ASSURES DR RAJAN BHONSLE.

Some years ago it was reported that a yesteryear actor known for his sartorial sense had bitten off his partner’s nipple during a white heat moment and the two had to rush to hospital for quick damage control. Aggression during sex is quite common and experienced by quite a few couples. Take the case of businessman Rahul and his wife Sarita, who has been serially abused and hurt by him. Theirs was a love marriage. Rahul’s basic aggressive personality was known to Sarita, who worked with a corporate fund house, even during their courtship days. But he hit her brutally only after marriage; once, because she returned home an hour late and on most other occasions, during sex – once when she declined his advances, and again when she consented, but did not participate ‘actively’.

VIOLENT PERSONALITY

Both men and women are prone to initiating violence at the slightest provocation in the most unexpected situations towards anyone and everyone. Such people are viewed as aggressive and violence towards their spouse is invariably just an extension of their basic personality. Some individuals having violent personalities behave or control their extreme expression with everyone except their spouse. The spouse bears the brunt of all their suppressed and controlled violence. The aggression of these violent individuals manifests in practically everything they engage in, and therefore, also during sex. Physical violence in an intimate relationship is common. It is seen in married couples as well as unmarried couples in ‘love’ and when sex and violence co-exist; it can affect relationships adversely and break up marriages.

VIOLENCE IN DEMANDING SEX

Some people learn to demand violently whenever they want something. This habitual pattern of being aggressive while asking for something is invariably the only method they are exposed to and have learned during their growing years from their home environment. This learned pattern becomes their second nature. Gentler and more polite ways of asking neither occur to them nor appeal to them. Therefore, when it comes to expressing their sexual need, they tend to use the same habitual violent manner. Sexual needs of two individuals can never match. This is a common occurrence in the life of all married couples. A gentle love call, romantically seducing the other, asking the other to be open, are more genial ways of initiating sex.