Of shades and shadows

Rough draft a work in progress=

Shades & Shadows

Rebecca sat on her grandma’s front porch and watched the grasshoppers jump across to the over grown lawn. The heat from the summers sun made everything appear as if it were under water. “Granma…why does the grass look like that in the summer time?”, Rebecca asked, being she was a curious eight year old. “I don’t rightly know, Becca….Why do you think it does?”, Her feeble grandma replied. Rebecca sat there quietly, while her grandma snapped and stringed the bag of green beans. “Granma…”, Rebecca said again. “Yes, Becca.”, her Grandma replied. “Why does some people’s shadows look different?”, Becca continued. “Well, people are different sizes and shapes honey.”, Her grandma explained. “No…I don’t mean like that….”, Rebecca replied. “Well, how do you mean?”, Her Grandma asked. “Well, like yours- Last week it was much darker than today…it looks like its fading away.”, Rebecca said as she sat looking out into the front lawn. Her Grandma chuckled, “Fading away? Your momma let’s you watch too much television…its rottenin’ your brain Rebecca Alexis Kardwin.”, Her grandma snapped. Rebecca just sighed and stood up. “Can I help you, Granma?”, Rebecca asked. “No, child….I don’t want strings in my beans…run along now and have your self a good time….But becareful and be back before sunset….”, Her grandma instructed.

Rebecca walked off the porch, as she did she dragged her feet stirring up the dusty ground. She turned around and stared at her grandma sitting in her rocking chair. Her grandma feeling the stares looked up. “What ever is the matter, Becca? Go on now and have yourself a good time…its the last day of summer break, you’ll be off to school come tomorrow.”, Her grandma advised. ” I know.”, Becca said as she turned around.

The mid-morning sun quickly became mid-evening. Becca had spent most of the day lounging in an old oak tree on the far side of her grandma’s property. Becca’s grandpa had been by once or twice to check on her as he plowed the fields in preparation for the winter wheat. The air was thick and heavy, no breezes to soften the stifling heat. In the distance she could hear her grandma calling her name, saying it was lunch time. She hesitated about going, her mind rittled with questions. She slowly climbed down out of the oak tree and started walking back towards the house. From the corner of her eye she sees something moving the thorn bushes that line the rickety old fence. She turns and stares hard with her eyes squinted trying to find what was moving about. As she started to walk toward the bushes, and small rabbit darted startling her. She fell back on to the ground, scrapping her hand on the edge of a rock that was protruding out of the dusty ground. “Stupid rabbit.”, Rebecca grumbled looking at the dirty scrap on her hand. Frustrated she stood up and dusted her bottom off, then wiped her hand on her pant leg.

Rebecca finally made it back to the house. “Becca, child, what kept you?”, Her grandma questioned. “Oh, nothin’…A lil ole rabbit scared me….and I fell down….”, Rebecca replied. “Well, run on and get cleaned up for supper…”, Her grandma instructed. Her grandma’s house was an old-fashioned farm house that still had huge gaps in the floor boards. Wide enough, in fact to see the ground plainly during the day time. No running water, no indoor plumbing, no electricity, but Rebecca loved it. Rebecca walked into the spare room where, a basin and water pitcher sat. Rebecca carefully poured the water into the basin, she began washing her hands and then moved to her face.

With water on her face she reached for a towel to dry her eyes. A gust of wind whipped through the house. Rebecca opened her eyes, wide. The last time she had felt a wind like that her dog Peanut had died. “Granma?!”, Rebecca shouted. “Granma!”, She shouted again much louder. “Becca…What’s the hullabaloo about?”, Her grandma questioned walking into the room. Rebecca sighed a sigh of relief. “I couldn’t find the towel…That’s all.”, Rebecca replied. “Child you have been acting mighty strange to day… you comin’ down the a chill of some kind? Perhaps a maddening fever?”, Her grandma continued. She pressed her wrinkled palm against Rebecca’s forehead. Then proceeded around her neck. “Granma.”, Rebecca chuckled. “I am fine…I promise…”, Rebecca said trying to reassure her grandma. “What’s for supper?”, Rebecca questioned. “Fried steak and white gravy…Mashed potatoes, corn and fresh green beans.”, Her grandma responded. “Now, finish up…and come along.”, Her grandma instructed then turned and left the room.

A few moments passed, and a loud thump echoes through the old house. Rebecca darts out of the room to find her grandma on the kitchen floor. “Granma!!”, Rebecca screeched. Her grandpa came running in to the sounds of Rebecca shouting. “Eloise…”, Her grandpa said as he scouped her grandma up in his arms. “Eloise…”, He said again as he checked for signs of life. Light from the setting sun showed through and from the angle Rebecca stood she could see that her grandma shadow was almost gone. “Go get Archie- and ride to Mr. and Mrs. Strouds… have them call for help Rebecca.”, Her grandpa advised. Terrified, Rebecca darted out the back door and to the stable where Archie was kept. She had never rode a horse bare-backed, and she didn’t have time to saddle either. She unlatched the stable door, and brought Archie out by a lead rope attached to his bridle. He stood 16.5 hands tall and she was unable to mount. She climbed up onto the door of the stable and jumped on to Archie’s back. Archie raised up on his hind quarters throwing Rebecca off of Archie slamming her head against the wall of the barn. His loud whiney echoed and he stopped about blowing in discontent. Rebecca, More fearful of loosing her grandma, took hold of Archie’s mane and threw herself upon his back. He reared up again, this time Rebecca held on tight. She jabbed her heels in his sides and Archie took off.

Mr. & Mrs. Shroud lived 5 miles away but they were the nearest neighbor with access to a telephone. The hot air burned Rebecca’s eyes as she made her way down the long road. The heat quickly took hold of Archie who slowed to barely a trot. “C’Mon Archie…”, Rebecca whined kicking Archie’s sides. Archie just snorted and kept on at the pace he was going. “Archie!”, Rebecca shouted. She could no longer see her grandparents home yet she couldn’t see the Shrouds home. Frustrated with Archie she jumped from his back and took off running as fast as she could. The heat from the late summer made it hard for her to breath, almost as if something was still the very breath from her. The sun was setting over the wheat fields, Rebecca reached the Shrouds. Mrs. Shrouds was standing in the front lawn watering her Azalea bushes when Rebecca walked through the front gates. “Why Becca Kardwin..what ever is the matter?!”, Mrs. Shrouds questioned. “Granma…..Granma…..”, Rebecca gasped pointing back towards her grandparents house. “Harold! Call the ambulance something has happened to Eloise!”, Mrs. Shrouds shouted. Mr. Shrouds stepped out to the front porch. “What was that Gladis?”, He questioned with his hand cupped to his ear. “Call the ambulance….Somethin’s happened to Eloise…”, Mrs. Shrouds exclaimed. Rebecca stood bent over holding her knees trying to catch her breath; her face was red as the summer’s sun. “What’s happened Becca?”, Mrs. Shrouds questions as Mr. Shrouds places the calls. “The shade- her shadow- The wind….”, Rebecca rambled. “Sweet child, calm yourself…what has happened?”, Mrs. Shrouds asked. “Granma fell down and she wasn’t waking up.”, Rebecca finally managed to get out. Mr. Shrouds stepped out on the front lawn. “Come on Eloise, Rebecca…Let’s get out there.”, He said with his keys in his hands. Rebecca climbs into the back of the car. The ride back to the house is quiet, Rebecca’s face still feels like fire. Mr. Shrouds is driving as fast as the old car would go. They finally reached the house, Mr. Shrouds went in and Mrs. Shrouds kept Rebecca from entering. Mr. Shrouds returned momentarily with his hat off, Rebecca knew that her grandma had died. “I took too long.”, She shouted pulling away from Mrs. Shrouds. Even though she was an elderly woman she had a tight grip on Rebecca’s sleeve. What seemed only moments later the ambulance arrived.

Rebecca watched as the two from the ambulance loaded her grandma’s body into a black bag and hoisted it into the back of the ambulance. Her grandpa sat on the front steps in disarray. The ambulance slowly pulled out of the drive way and headed down the long dusty road towards town. Rebecca turned to her grandpa. “I am sorry I took too long.”, She said. Her grandpa who had been staring at the ground looked up at Rebecca. “Becca, its not your fault…”, Her grandpa replied. “It is ! It is!”, Rebecca screamed as she ran off towards the pasture. Mrs.Shrouds started after her. “Let her go, Gladis…”, Rebecca’s grandpa said. “She’s gotta deal with things her own way…And me mine….”, He continued. “Very well…Charles…”, Mrs. Shrouds replied. “If you need anything, you know where we are.”, She replied. “I do.”, Her grandpa replied. “Just so much for a little girl to go through….first her parents and then her grandma…”, Gladis said as she climbed into the car. Mr. Shrouds followed her, leaving Rebecca’s grandpa sitting alone on the porch. Rebecca went out to the tree she always sat in. The bark was wore, and the limb bowed slightly as if to make a perfect seat. Her face was dusty and streaked from crying, it was still flushed from the heat. She slowly climbed up to the top of the tree. “Why!!! Why are you taking everyone I love from me!!!!”, Rebecca shouted at the clear blue sky. “Why!!! Why won’t you ever answer me!!!”, She shouted again. “I wish you would just leave me alone- you have taken everyone from me—my mom- my dad— my baby sister—-my dog Peanut and now you took my granma!!”, Rebecca screamed. “why!!! what did I do?”, She continued shouting until her voice is hoarse.

Rebecca climbed up into the tree and watched as the sun faded into the canopy of burnt green leaves. Cicadas and crickets had began to serenade, Rebecca’s eyes were too heavy and she could not fight sleep. As she slumbered in the tree branch her grandfather sat and watched her from an old hickory stump. His mind riddled with uncertainty he stood up and walked over to the tree. “Becca.”, He said softly. “Yes.”, She replied half-way awake. “C’mon down from that tree and let’s get you to a bed.”, He said. ” I don’t want to go back into that house, granpa.”, rebecca responded. “What do ya suppose your gonna do, Becca? You can’t sleep in trees like a squirrel.”, He replied. “I don’t know.”, Rebecca said. “You wanna go stay with your Aunt in the city?”, He asked. “No.”, Rebecca retorted. “Well, its either go in to the house or go to your Aunt’s house.”, He advised. “Well, I guess I go to my aunt’s house….There are shadows in that house granpa….Bad shadows that steal.”, Rebecca cried. “Ah, Becca…That’s non-sense- Come on down from that tree- we’ll get you cleaned up and get your Aunt on the phone.”, he said aggravatedly. “Granpa haven’t you seen those shadows? The ones that make people’s shadows lighter?”, She continued. “Rebecca I ain’t gonna ask you twice. Get down from that tree!”, He shouted. “why doesn’t anybody believe me?!”, Rebecca shouted back. “I’ve had enough get down now.”, He said and turned towards the house, he slowly walked home.

Rebecca cautiously climbed down from the tree and followed him to the house. Rebecca went into the spare room and washed up. The house still smelt of the supper her granma had prepared just hours before. Her granpa sat and ate, while she sat and waited patiently for the trip into town. “Granpa….”, Becca finally said. “Yes, Becca.”, He replied. “Why does it happen?”, She asked. “Why does what happen?”, He questioned. “Why do people – - animals– plants die?”, She replied. “Its just the way things work Becca….if things – - people- and animals— even plants, didn’t die there just wouldn’t be enough space for them all.”, He replied. “Why does it seem like everyone that you care about dies?”, She continued. “People die every moment of everyday- you just don’t know about it because you don’t know who they were.”, He said. “Life is like a drop of dew on the grass- – and the sun is like time…. as the sun rises – - the dew drop shrinks and disappears….Kinda like people- as time goes on – people get older- their bodies get tired and parts get broken.”, her granpa explained. “Like your tractor?”, Becca questioned. “Somethin’ like it- but you can’t get new parts like you can for the tractor- once the parts in your body are gone- then its done.”, He replied. “Oh.”, Becca sighed. “You want some supper?”, He asked. “no…no thank you.”, Becca replied. “Now you Aunt Sandy is a nice woman…She’s your mother’s sister- – - my daughter- so she’ll be good to ya. You need a woman to raise you- I can’t do it myself….I wouldn’t know where to start….”, He began.

Sandy was Rebecca’s aunt, yet Rebecca had only seen her five times in her life. Sandy the apparent black sheep lived alone in a small house on the corner of main street and 3rd avenue. From what Rebecca could remember from photographs, Sandy was pasty in her complexion and had cooper red hair that was thick and curly. Her eyes were about the same color of cholocate mint ice cream, and she had huge freckles that covered her cheeks, forehead and nose. In the pictures she much taller than her mother, and she was much smaller in her shoulders than her mother.

That night her and her granpa began to pack her things, little by little small hand crafted toys and hand-me-down clothes were packed up tight in 6 boxes. The next morning, Rebecca got up and fixed her hair in pig tails- sloppy and un-even, but pig-tails none the less. She dressed herself in Sunday’s best- a yellow sundress trimmed with white embroidered lace, stockings, gloves and white mary-jane shoes. Her granpa packed her things into the back of his old pick up truck and she climbed in. It was a four hour ride from her granpa’s farm to her Aunt Sandy’s house, that was silent. No more than four words spoke the entire trip. As they rounded the corner, Sandy stood on the front porch. “Granpa did you call Sandy?”, Rebecca questioned. “no.”, he hesistantly replied. “Well, why does she look like she is expectin’ somebody?”, She continued as the truck crept up to the walk way. “Daddy, so good to see you!”, Sandy chirped gleefully. Sandy ran around the front of the truck to Rebecca. “Becca! this is lil Becca?”, Sandy exclaimed as she jerked the door open, Rebecca flinched in shock. “C’mon you two- let’s get these things in before it rains.”, Sandy said smiling. “Rain? The weather man on the radio didn’t say nothin’ about no rain today, a’nt Sandy?”, Becca chimed in. “Oh- really? . . Well, I can show you how to feel the rain before it rains….”, Sandy said softly. Rebecca looked at Sandy her eyes were bewildering in their color, so much that you couldn’t help but to stare at them. “What ever be the matter, Becca?”, Sandy questioned. “Your eyes are very pretty….A’nt Sandy….that’s all.”, Becca replied. “Well, you look marvelous yourself, Becca….Did you even do your own hair?”, Sandy said. “Yes..”, Becca replied smiling. Her granpa slid out of the truck and began to take the boxes to the front porch while Sandy helped Becca down out of the cab of the truck. “oh, and this dress is adorable..”, Sandy continued. “thank you…granpa got it for me for Easter.”, Becca replied. “Well, that’s everything….”, Her granpa interupted. “Oh- Okay- – - do you want to come in for a minute or two, dad?”, Sandy asked. “No…I gotta be gettin back…the cows and hogs need tendin’ to…”, he replied climbing back into the truck. “Oh….well, feel free to come up.”, Sandy added. He just nodded and drove off, he turned the rear view mirror down so he wouldn’t see Becca as he left. “Well, come along.. let’s get these things unpacked.”, Sandy said taking Becca by her hand. “Your not as big as I thought you were.”, Becca replied as she slipped her hand from Sandy’s. Rebecca walked up the steps of the porch and picked up one of the boxes. “Where am I gonna put this?”, Becca questioned. “Where ever you like.”, Sandy replied walking up the steps. “I have 4 empty rooms…you can have your pick of them.”, Sandy continued. “Really?”, Becca asked. “Yes really…which ever you like you can have it as your room….”, Sandy replied as she opened the door to the house.

Inside was an assortment of rustic items from an old thread spindel to a large fire place with a cast-iron cooking kettle sat on the crook that held it. Over the window of the kitchen hung bundles of drying flowers and herbs, and candle flames danced around almost every corner of the house; Above the stair well swayed wind chimes painted brilliant pastel. The walls were a blan eggshell white but had magificent murals drew all over them.

Rebecca made her way up the stairs and picked the room she wanted. It was the last room at the end of the hall on the left. The bed was an iron-framed canopy bed, which Rebecca loved. The room was fully furnished complete with a hope chest , dresser and armoire. “All this was my things when I was a little girl.”, Sandy said. “all this nice stuff was yours?!”, Becca retorted. “Yes…It was a gift from an uncle….on my 13th birthday.”, Sandy replied. “Wow…Wish I had an uncle like that.”, Becca said. “Ah…you can have what ever you want in this room…I was keeping it for when I had a daughter of my own…..but as fate has it I can never.”, Sandy replied. “You mean you can’t have your own kids?”, Becca questioned. “Yes.”, Sandy said. “Why?”, Becca continued. “I am not sure…perhaps it was pre-ordained so that you could inherit these things.”, Sandy replied. “Why do you talk funny?”, Becca asked. “Why do you?”, Sandy retorted. “I Don’t…I sound like everybody else.”, Becca replied. “Well, I have been away for a long time….”, Sandy said. “Really? Where were you?”, Becca asked. “Here and there….I travelled the world in search of something but never found it….”, Sandy replied. “Well that’s just silly….”, Becca said as she began to unpack the small figurines that her granpa had carved for her. “Isn’t it though.”, Sandy replied.”This is my favorite.”, Becca said holding up a bird carved out of birch. “Its beautiful.”, Sandy replied. “Granpa made all of ‘em… since all my toys – -”, Becca said and stopped short. “Were lost in the fire.”, Sandy said softly. “Yes…the fire took everything.”, Becca sighed as she sat the figurine down on the dresser. “Have you ate, Becca?”, Sandy asked. “No…”, Becca replied. “Well, are you hungry?”, Sandy inquired. “No..”, Becca replied as her stomach growled. “Not hungry huh.”, Sandy said. “Maybe a lil.”, Becca replied. “well, come along – - I have some fresh strawberries and handmade whipped cream.”, Sandy said. “I don’t like strawberries…”, Becca replied. “Oh….Well, what do you like?”, Sandy asked. Becca shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I know you are hungry, Becca..Tell me what you like and If I don’t have it here we will go and get it.”, Sandy said. “Sandy, have you ever seen shadows?”, Becca asked. “Shadows? You mean like the ones people have?”, Sandy questioned. “No…Ones that don’t have a body -”, Becca replied. “Don’t have a body— you mean ghosts?”, Sandy inquired. “No…Ghosts are white…I know cuz I seen’em in a book one time….”, Becca responded. “No…Becca I haven’t…. Have you?”, Sandy continued. “Yea….The night momma and daddy—and Jessie died…The night of the fire— I got woke up by a shadow–”, Becca said. “Woke up? How Becca? How did the shadow wake you?”, Sandy requested. “I was asleep and then I felt cold all over- Like the wind was blowin’ right in my face….I opened my eyes and the shadow closed the door to my room….Momma and daddy always left my door half way open- it shut and I couldn’t open it….Right after that smoke came in under neath my door…..The fireman said that it was cuz of the fire that the door shut like that- somethin’ about a draft…But I saw that shadow Sandy….And then…When I went to live with Granma and Granpa I took Peanut…My dog— and the day he died the same thing happened….And when Granma died, the same thing! But the shadows are doin’ something to people…..”, Becca explained excitedly. “What? What are they doing, Becca?”, Sandy questioned. “Its like granma, the day she died- I had been watchin’ her really close cuz her shadow was really light- Like you could see right through….like granma was a piece of lace or somethin’. “, Becca said. “really.”, Sandy responded. “Yeah.. I tried to talk to granma about it but she said I had watched too much television….I haven’t talked to anybody else cuz they all look at me like somethin’ wrong with me….”, Becca added. “Well, I don’t think anything is wrong with you….”, Sandy replied. “Now…what do you like to eat?”, Sandy added. “Well, do you believe me?”, Becca asked. “yes, Becca I believe you.”, Sandy replied. Becca smiled a halfway smile and continued to unpack her things. Sandy stood up and walked to the door. “A’nt Sandy…I do like Strawberries….Can I have some?”, Becca asked. “Of Course…I’ll get them ready.”, Sandy replied as she walked out and down stairs. Rebecca stayed and unpacked her things.

Rebecca slowly finished unpacking her things and walked down the stairs to where Sandy stood. “Sandy.”, Becca murmurred. Sandy spun around startled, “Oh, Becca…you scared me!”, Sandy said. “Sorry. I am done unpacking..”, Becca replied. “Well, I decided to bake a cake to go with the cream & berries.”, Sandy said. Becca slid into a chair at the table. Becca sat quietly waiting. “You are extremely quiet…almost as if you were a mouse…”, Sandy finally said breaking the silence. “Yea…”, Becca responded. “Look…I know you have a really hard time this past year but I promise I am gonna try and make this year a better one okay?”, Sandy explained. “Okay….”, Becca replied sadly. “Now, first order of business—-eat this cake !”, Sandy exclaimed as she brought the two layer cake topped with the handwhipped cream and strawberries. “wow, An’t Sandy you made this just now?!”, Becca replied. “Yes, Becca do you think its good?”, Sandy inquired. “Its wonderful.”, Becca retorted happily. A large clap of thunder startled the pair, they sat and laughed at each other for a moment. Sandy cut a slice and put it into a saucer, “A’nt Sandy…”, Becca said as she picked up her fork. “Why didn’t granpa stay ?”, Becca questioned. “Eat up now.”, Sandy said avoiding eye contact. “I mean its gonna be aweful lonely out there by himself.”, Becca continued. “A’nt Sandy…..why is your house the only one on this road?”, Becca questioned. “Not sure.”, Sandy replied. “And what is that?”, Becca asked pointing at drying herbs hanging over the sink. Becca falls silent as she takes in the entire room, there are brown glass jars everywhere and the kitchen is dimly lit. “Herbs for cooking….”, Sandy replied hastily. “Oh.”, Becca said as she took a bite. The two fell quiet, Becca continued to scan the room.