A humorous and satirical take on the battle of the sexes.

“Friends, and fellow sufferers. You are at this moment witness to a historic event. This moment will be recorded in golden letters in the history of the freedom struggle of men as the ‘ end of female domination ‘. Yes, you’ve heard it right – the end of the evil era. We are from this moment about to wage the biggest war in the history of mankind, not against the tyranny of any ruler, not against any foreign invader, nor against any alien life form but against women. Yes, you heard it right and if you all stop shuddering and have finished wetting your pants, I’ll proceed to tell you how.”

“Friends, God has bestowed us with biological advantages over women in terms of physical strenght, speed and power. We can fight tigers, plunge from mountains, swim with the sharks, tame the wildest of lions and not even scream when encounter a cockroach. So what is that women have that turns us into cows ( with due respect to cows ) in front of them? Is it that they have any superior strenght? Do they possess any magical powers? Or do they spew fire when they abuse us? No, no, no. They have nothing in them that drags us down on our knees and act like wet kittens. On the contrary, it is because they have nothing in them that makes us act as we do. “

“Ages back, when men were really men ( unlike us ) and women were really women ( like us ), women were looked upon as the vulnerable class. Our forefathers took pride in their masculinity and out of sheer machismo, decided that women are to be protected and cuddled and bedded. Men fought wars to protect even a single woman ( remember Troy? ) and branded it their ‘dharma’. They never treated women as equals. Women were objects of desire, of affection, of love and of course lust. Abusing or hitting a woman was the unmanliest of acts and unpardonable, after all they are not even strong enough to defend themselves. They were to be shielded against anything that may spoil their fair skin. From birth till death, they were to be defended. As a daughter – her virginity, as wife – her femininity and as mother – her pride had to be defended. While men were busy killing themselves in the process of defending their better-halves, the womenfolks were busy in their kitty parties and pet shows. It thus became the unwritten law of mankind that there is nothing more shameful and sinful than treating a woman badly. A man who raises his hand on a woman even in his sleep should commit suicide. The only pain a woman may be inflicted upon is by way of sexual intercourse ( Thank God ! ) and when she gives birth to her baby. This prejudicial and partisan law became the deadliest weapon of femininity. Whatever she did, however ghastly crime she committed, nothing was enough to justify a slap on her back. She used her shield of vulnerability to great effect, in fact to such effect that gradually she began brandishing it like a sword, cutting down male ego. Men, in order to prove that they are real men, suffered every pain, every abuse, every slap inflicted upon them without a whimper in protest.”

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