“That will be $387.44. Will that be cash, credit, or would you like to pay for it in six easy monthly installments? We also offer financing at an unbelievably low rate of …”

“Wait a moment,” I interrupted. “All I’m buying is one super gigantic monster tub of popcorn, with extra butter; seven foot-long hot dogs on whole wheat buns with sauerkraut; a carton of Milt’s Marvelous Malted Milk Chocolate Yummies, and a small diet soda with no ice.”

“Oh, no ice. Sorry, my mistake. That’ll be … let’s see … yes, that’s only $29 even.”

That sounded a little better, but I guess it was all relative. At least I didn’t have to take out a second mortgage on my house just to pay the stadium prices for snacks at the football game.  I hadn’t seen the Bats play for years;  a friend had given me a ticket and I was thrilled.

As she handed me the food, the attendant at the cash register asked, “Where are you sitting?”

“I’m in Section J Row 12,” I beamed.

“Ah, great seats! Well, enjoy the game,” she remarked with a smile.

I was reflecting on what a nice person she was, as I meandered through the crowd. I found Section J, and I was descending to Row 12 when the announcer cried out, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the Star Spangled Banner!”

I was excited. This was my favorite part.

However, the announcer continued. “But first, is there a cardiologist in the stadium? A man is heading to Section J Row 12 having just purchased one super gigantic monster tub of popcorn with extra butter, seven foot long hot dogs on whole wheat buns with sauerkraut, a carton of Milt’s Marvelous Malted Milk Chocolate Yummies, and a small diet coke with no ice.”

I heard gasps all around me.

“Just imagine,” said one elderly woman with bright orange hair and matching lipstick. “He probably smokes too.”

“Yeah, boy,” replied the guy sitting next to her. “He (burp) would eat us out of house and home.”

I tried to discreetly make my way to my seat.

“There he is,” cried a little girl. “There’s the man!” I winced, but still I glanced over at her. She was pointing at me.