Once Upon A Time… Amongst The Cave Zombies                                                                                    (By JV Campbell)

A return to our forebears: cavemen, zombies, hard-drive geeks, and satire.

            Once upon a time, before fairy tales had been brought to light, the masses that lived in caves then, were certain to be called pre-zombies by educated anthropologists. No wonder the many, many zombies alive in the 21st Century still secretly identify with their cavemen ancestors.

Did we really evolve?

Or is it just that the echoing heard within our skull’s empty halls sounds louder after one hundred thousand years?

            A beautiful, golden sun arose before the village of Asleepattheswitchitica. The quaint little cave openings allowed the sunbeams to float in and awaken its sleeping tenants. The entire side of the dotted mountain warmed up as its villagers greeted the sun to worship their new day.

            The Asleepattheswitchiticans yawned en masse, before rubbing their eyes, then farting their daily prayers. The rubbing movements lasted well into mid-morning since these members of the Homo Zombieticus species had a lot of exercise to do. Sunken, blackened eye sockets are not easy to clean. Just ask the modern descendents of their forebears. Instead of greeting sunbeams, contemporary zombies arise to worship at their plasma screens. Same process merely different technologies.

            Unlike the Australopithecines or Neanderthals, the Homo Zombieticans never had a need to shave their faces. Genetically impossible. Ever see a zombie film with beards in it?