One Day At The Boneless Chicken Farm

by Lew Sethics

“Tony Baroni here, at the Happy Boneless Chicken Farm, and you won’t believe this place!  If you never seen  Boneless Chickens before, you are in for a treat like you won’t believe!  I don’t believe it, believe me.  I’m serious,  you won’t believe this!  What do you think, Stosh?”

“I don’t believe it.”

“See?  If Stosh don’t believe it, then, hey, you know what I mean?”

“Boneless chickens, Tony, I don’t believe it!”

“Boneless!  They got feathers!  They got beaks!  They even lay eggs, fercrysaik, you should see that!  When the  boneless Rooster does his thing its like you won’t believe!”

“Jeez Tony, you throw corn at ‘em they swarm around in slo-mo, like feathered amoebas.”

“Ami Buzz? What the…”

“Unicellular Animalcules” chimed the fabulous Mamalia Jaxton, fine as wine in white fur, white dress and white spike heels,  an island of clean surrounding just her somehow.

Tony smiled at the fabulous Mammalia.  Stosh shrugged, nodding ‘yes’ and smiling.

“Look!” Tony continued after a round of mutual smiling, “Soon as they hatch, they start kinda rolling around, like.  Toward the food.  They roll and their little heads kinda flop over to keep up.  It’s hilarious.  When they get bigger they start to kinda walk, only without no bones.  No bones!  Like Louie Ciciulioli.  haha.  No Bones.”

“No bones.” laughed Stosh.

“No bones!” echoed the fabulous Mammalia, with legs that went all the way down to her beautiful feet.

“They do chicken exercises and build up until they can hold their heads up and step around on where their hips should have been.  Then they start migrating toward the freeway, for some reason.  Looks like a Jackson Pollock reject over there.  Good thing we get a lot of eighteen wheelers.”

“Stinks like you won’t believe.” says Stosh. “But they pop like balloons, ya get ‘em right.”

“The ones that survive get so big, and then they rake ‘em into the slaughter building over there.”

“Where they go into a huge vat of boiling water, like lobsters, and get their feathers yanked!” Stosh explained on.

“”Really?” said Tony, not knowing when Stosh was fooling, half the time.

“I dunno.  Maybe they got chicken barbers in there.  All I know, naked chickens come out wrapped in plastic, layin’ on a styrofoam platter, they ain’t sayin nothin.”

“Better that way.” said Dino.    

“So we get boneless chicken breasts with no mess!” purred the fabulous Mammalia, making it sound erotic  somehow.

“But drumsticks ain’t the same, just a stupid piece of meat, wit’out they got a bone.” complained Stosh.

“Well, maybe somebody will think of that, and breed a boneless chicken with only drumstick bones.  They could do that, it’s easy.  Ever see the inside of a automatic transmission?  Now thats complex stuff.  This is chicken stuff.”

“So, Tony Barone sayin’ HEY!  See ya next time, when me an’ Stosh, and maybe the fabulous Mammalia?  Yes-No?  She’s holding her nose so I don’t think so, but, join us as me and Stosh check out whats up with Buffalo wings!”   

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