“You don’t have a personal diary?”

“What for?”

“For the sake of memories that we ought to cherish.”

      This simple conversation that took place in the office canteen was no longer simple when was recalled, revised and reanalyzed late that night in my bed. The answer of my friend turned to be a question that had unbelievably managed to slip out of my mind for years.

I had been an ambitious person quite from my childhood and now at the age of 24 with the career of my preference as I look back into my life, all that I can see is the endless chase. The moments of my life that perhaps demanded a longer period of celebration were all abandoned in the name of studies and jobs. Today I have a lucrative career that shines with fame as I had always yearned for yet I cannot avoid an insatiable urge to reconsider my definition of happiness and satisfaction in life. I might be happy now but I cannot deny the fact that I am still lacking. Those simple, short lived episodes of life that people relish with unfeigned appreciation are missing from my life.

With a bout of discomfort as I tossed and turned in the bed, I made an attempt to revisit my past. As every other teenagers I used to be fun loving. The only thing that mattered then was the feeling I felt with every moment that passed by. What other people thought of me was not at all my headache. I either used to be happy or sad. Now I hardly find myself being happy or sad in a true sense. It seems as though I had been spending my feelings like a greedy merchant spends his money –with utter consciousness as to not let any of it waste. I must have been living in fragments as I no longer remember how my life looks in a whole. Like before, I cannot remember the last time I ate on the road while walking, shouting with friends, making plans for vacation that never took place, changing the hairstyle every week so as to look the coolest …the list is endless. All I remember now is getting worried about the ways to impress people around me when I know nothing genuine will come out of them.

After much longer period of self evaluation, I realized that it was never too late to start with and that’s when I promised myself that even if I cannot go into writing daily journals with pen and paper, I would never deprive myself from the privilege of having the wonderful pages of life stored in my memory and the pleasure of recalling them time and again. From now onwards I will take time to enjoy every trifles of life that had once brought smiles to me. After all happiness is all about living the moment, not something that can be stored up for future usage. Alas, I wish I hadn’t taken so long to realize it.