There’s something to be said for one’s surroundings and how they can be affected by them. The positive or negative that can arise based on your life experiences or who you choose to surround yourself with can have a tremendous impact on your personality and how it develops. I’ve been through many a negative situation and have seen how it has changed my personality for the long term. Here’s my testimonial of how I’ve become the woman I am today and hope it can inspire or help any others out there who may have gone through the same.

Once upon a time, I was a very passive and submissive person, relenting to the suggestions of someone who I thought was a friend.  She offered advice to help build and guide me to what I believed to be a productive path, but found out down the line, she was trying to bring me down. I trusted her with my deepest fears and also shared with her my dreams. I thought she was there to support me, but experienced her hidden jealousy to degrees I cannot explain. Times when I felt confident about myself, she turned on me and made me feel horrible for who I really wanted to be.

Over years of slowly realizing her damaging effects, I broke away and found confidence to seek out on my own what I was foolishly dependent on her for; my own self-worth. I look back and understand how her mental abuse, disguised as friendship, had a negative effect on me. My ability to trust anyone who attempts to get close to me now is marred. I’ve seen how my personality has morphed to a more aggressive one, set on protecting me. I used to be so naïve, believing and trusting one’s word to be the truth. I found in this unhealthy friendship, that this very same sacred trust can be taken advantage of. It is clear to me now that this supposed friend had major psychological issues of her own, revealing her resentment towards her father. She took it out on me and I was the fool to take the beating mentally.

This story, intense as it is embarrassing, has demonstrated to me just how one can survive even the most tumultuous relationship and still come out sane. It’s not to say there hasn’t been long term damage. I know many have gone through such a scenario where you thought someone was there to help and guide you in your most vulnerable and impressionable time and it was severely betrayed.  Oftentimes, this yields irreparable damage and scarring to one’s mental and emotional state. For me, I found it has made me a much stronger person. I cannot take all the credit for such an evolution. I have my family and close friends to thank for my resolve. They all helped me make sense of my naiveté and that I was simply a victim of mental/emotional abuse.

The side effects of this emotional abuse, though far and few between these days, are still present in my life. As I seek some sort of normalcy, I continuously question certain individuals’ motives to some degree. The main, lasting consequence from this tainted friendship is lack of trust. It is something that is hard to come by when it comes to me. It’s not to say I am not able to have healthy, successful relationships; it’s merely a situation where I will be on guard in one way or another. I find that I am now a stronger, more capable person, better at seeing who people are for what they are worth; not so foolishly trusting. My advice, if I would ever give any, would be to be more trusting of myself over anyone else. Once you know yourself inside and out, you are the only one who can really guide yourself down any path you desire. That is where I am today. I believe anyone can arrive at this positive destination if they believe in themselves.