My eyes peeked out into their bedroom through a little hole I made in the wall. Some days I would eat ketchup sandwiches and hid in her closet. Grandma had food but she didn’t always share it. When there was not ketchup and bread to eat, I dug my fingernails into the wall and carved out the word ‘die.’ On the outside of the house, it looked like we were doing all right but we barely belonged in that neighborhood. On days when we couldn’t even afford ketchup, I just ate

paper. I did so because I was hungry, I was always hungry, and I wanted to peek at Grandma doing nasty things with that man from Hamtramck.

I hid behind that door, any door that hid me from public view. Only went near the window at nighttime when no one could see me. Momma left me alone a lot then. Another time, I saw a dirty glove around that man’s hand and he was shaking it violently against himself with his fist attached to his leg. A black-and-white picture in his hand was of a woman and a man naked, the picture was facing me and I could see their body parts. A part of me felt like crying and the other part of me felt like giggling. I remember throwing up a little spit into his beat-up leather shoes.

Grandma’s boyfriend only wore those shoes when he wore one of his costumes. On that day, everyone dressed up like different people, sometimes animals or even monsters. On that day, I got to eat all the candy in the world and actually belonged to my changing world. Everyone looked kind of funny, even me. I could hide behind my mask and the only thing people could see were my green eyes. They did not know who I was and for that night, I didn’t either.

I remained behind the door, eventually falling asleep in there. When I woke, they were in bed. Grandma asked him if he knew where I was.

“I don’t know,” he said.

Then, she looked towards the closet where I was hiding. A funny little thing happens to my eyes when I am sad. They change colors from green to blue. But Grandma doesn’t care. Oh, yeah, then I remember, she doesn’t see me in that

way. I’m not really her granddaughter.

Her mouth opened like a complete yawn. Her eyes narrowed and I thought she saw me. I thought I saw her smile turn into a frown. But she licked her lips