Question Mark
 
The father, who had passed Matriculation Exam from Nepali Medium, wrote with his trembling hand, “My son, drought has destroyed the crops. Money lenders are not lending the money. People don’t give food items on credit. Only a small piece of land is left, and there is the burden of loan to boot. Please, complete your studies soon and try to find a good job so that we could be emancipated from our poverty.”
 
He had received an email in English from the Dean of the College:
 
“In the Sixth Semester, you had failed in two subjects and during your summer vacations; you were given two months’ time to pass those papers. We are sorry to inform you that you have scored below the required 4.5.  
 
It is our last warning that you must pass all the subjects, including these two, in the Seventh Semester, otherwise you will have to face the rustication from the college and your further studies will be discontinued.”
 
His entire body shivered with an unknown fear; he felt the ground under his feet was not stable; he was sinking into the ground; he sat on a chair and placed his feet on the small table before him. He felt as if he could be sawed like a log of wood. What has gone wrong?  
 
He felt as if his hands were thorny cactus and he was a living demon. He hit the table hard with his open palms. His hands got red and they pained. He felt as if his destiny written on the lines of his palms had changed into a poisonous snake and it was ready to sting him any instant.
 
His parents believed in astrology and palmistry. His father was not qualified so he could not find any job. They had a small piece of land and there were five members to feed. His father cultivated the land during the season and worked as a manual labourer for more than two hundred days in a year.
 
When his elder daughter was married, one-third of the land had to be sold to meet the expenses of her marriage. Saroj was in IX standard at that time. He was a highly talented boy and as a result of his hard work he topped in the Matriculation Exams. His photos were published in the newspapers; he was called for interviews by many television channels. People admired his talent and wisdom. This was the first event in the family that had brought extreme happiness. Though there was scarcity of money, on the request of the school principal, he was sent to the best college for his further studies. His college fee had been waived off and he was given the scholarship.
 
There lay the ocean of aspirations and expectations. Saroj wanted to be an engineer so he joined IIT Kanpur, in the neighbouring country India. To fulfill the requirements of the admission, his father had to pawn some part of his land.  
 
The very first Semester submerged him in the whirlpool of uncertainty. The college teemed with talented students and he felt that his identity was lost in that maze of highly intelligent students from the different parts of the world.  
 
Saroj felt as if he could never make his place there.  
 
Saroj used to wear simple pants and a shirt with full sleeves but other students were attired in jeans and T-shirts. While coming to the college, he had bought a new pair of Chinese shoes from Kathmandu, but here the boys wore Nike, Reebok, Adidas, etc. He had neither a mobile phone nor a laptop computer. Without the knowledge of his father, he had saved a little money to buy a radio but he felt ashamed because Hi-Fi music floated in the hostel rooms.  
 
He liked classical songs sung by Tara Devi, Narayan Gopal, Mohammad Rafi, Mukesh, and others but his friends liked Michael Jackson, Bonny M, Madonna, and so on.  
 
The second biggest impediment was the language. Had it only been limited to Hindi, he would have been happy because there is not much difference between Hindi and Nepali but in that college, even the boys whose mother tongue was Hindi rarely spoke a word or two of Hindi.  
 
English ruled the campus.  
 
Then there was ragging by the senior students. How shameful it was to walk in the garden of the college, stark naked! Giving love letters to girls to be slapped by them was another stunt! The seniors tortured newcomers in every possible way they could find.
 
And then in the class, everything seemed to be flying over his head; Saroj could not easily understand what the professors were saying and what they were teaching. He did not have courage to ask them because his classmates seemed to have understood everything perfectly well. As a result of all this, he failed very badly in the First Semester.
 
He looked at his father’s letter once again and then placed it in the drawer of his writing desk. It was past 9:00 pm, and they served dinner only up to 9:30 in the college canteen.  
 
He decided to acknowledge the email of the Dean otherwise this would also become an issue. He moved towards the computer of his roommate.  
 
He was perspiring. What would happen if he could not pass the Seventh Semester? His father’s dreams would be shattered and he would be left with incomplete education.  
 
On one occasion, he felt like telling his father everything clearly but he did not want to hurt him.  
 
Before leaving his home, he had seen a bright light in his father’s eyes, when he said, “This is last year, my son. They say you will be paid no less than RS. 50,000/- per month, after the final result!”
 
Saroj remained silent.
 
“Your younger sister’s marriage has to be arranged. When you get the job, I will find a boy for her!” his father had a strange kind of expectation in his eyes.
 
Now, it was like a dream. Saroj looked at the email; he knew that it was impossible for him to pass the Seventh Semester. Who was to blame was not clear? He had tried to work had but the professors taught with a view that the students sitting in front of them had had the knowledge of the subject before listening to them.
 
How could Saroj tell them that he had seen first car when he was in the IX standard. He had only seen airplanes flying over his head, and he had heard about computers, and some electronic devices?  
 
He felt like a criminal who was being punished for the crime that was not his. Why had they not taught him all this in his school in Nepal? There was a wide gap between the student from rural areas and the student from urban area. Who was going to fill that gap?
 
At first he thought of committing suicide but on the second thought he dismissed the idea because he did not want to die like a coward. Many young men had joined the Maoist movement in Nepal.  
 
Next morning, he packed his bag and left the hostel. He was definitely not going back home.