I take my first steps. My knees cringe, crack and give up. I sit back down on my bed. My head is pounding. There’s bananas scattered throughout the bedroom. A plane tapped on my ceiling fan. A dog barking in the hallway. I don’t even own a dog. Another good night. I’m impressed. Dog is a first. The bananas is a reoccurring theme. If only I could have hung them up better. It looks a bit mess. Shall I try this again. I can’t sit here all day. There’s the smell of plenty of unopened beers around my house that need someone special to take care of them. Hey! Up we go and his legs are stable. He’s still going. Oh no it’s an overshoot and here comes the floor. Nice stuck that fall perfect. No injuries. Now lets see where’s that wheelchair I stole too nights ago. Hmmm. Around here somewhere I know. Unless that crippled came over to get it back. The crawl that would be. Wow I never even considered what I’ve done. That poor crippled I shall find out who he is and return his wheelchair at once, but right now I have all the credentials I need to be able to use it. I shall find it at once. Wheelchair starts with a w ends with an r, so minus the heel and I get w chair of course behind the wicker chair. Ha ha. You though  you were so clever didn’t you chair. Now roll this way at once. Hmm, or maybe I shall crawl to you. Push, push, push. This is taking way to long. I shall walk instead. Yes a much faster way of doing it. Open and plop. He chose some good leather for this wheel chair. Very good back support, but the leg holders are a bit uncomfortable. Can’t win them all I guess. I wheel myself into the kitchen and crush all the cans I can on the way. I like the music that it makes. Now who left an uneaten, what is this? Peanut butter, chocolate, turkey, mayonnaise and graham cracker sandwich. Who would leave that unfinished. That you Paul. Is he breathing. Check for me Jim. Hello. Jim. You there. Let me just open your eyes. Holy fuck. There dead. There as cold as the Antarctic. My nut sacks really in a bunch now. Butcher knife. Where did I put it. It’s around here somewhere. No I can’t do that. Too much mess to clean. What am I thinking. I swear my minds not thinking today. Hello in there you dead too. Now do something creative and come up with an idea. Yes indeed. Smart thinking. I havn’t made coffee yet. Alright I’ll do that first. They look pretty good for dead people. I was expecting more of a zombie look to them. Wait that’s it. Where’s my speed. Left pocket. Nope just a band-aid, right pocket, oww fuck!!. Who put a snapping turtle in my pocket last night. Probably Jim. Fucker take this to your face ass hole. Snapping turtle goes boom. Damn terrible throw over shot that by a mile. Hmm back pocket. Yes here it is. Now a sprinkle in that nostril shall do the trick and he’s… dead. Yep what a waste. I’ll take that back too. Where’d it go. I know it’s in this nostril somewhere.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Holy shit! Zombies! Get the frying pan. The bear mace. Where’d I put my gorilla costume I need to blend in.
“Shut the fuck up I’m trying to keep sleeping”
What? Zombies don’t sleep. Wake up. Wake up. Hello. You dead again. Good. One less infestation I need to worry about. Where’s my paintball gun. Schools got to be getting out soon. Here it is. I love doing this walk to the end of my street. Most enjoyable part of the day for me. Here comes the school bus and Hmm. No one got off. Oh yeah I forgot they rerouted the little kids bus stop. Damn kids overreact to the littlest things. Well I need a new door bell. I want one with more bass to it. I should be scared every time someone comes to my door to put me in the proper state of mind to deal with those creepers. Always trying to sell me things. I reverse psychologise with them by trying to sell an even more ridiculous item back to them. You need a toaster, no but you look like you need this baby in a suit. Perfect for your everyday sales man. For five dollars extra I can make him smell better. Poor kid. Wonder what state he’s in right now. Hopefully Omaha. I heard it’s nice there in the winter. Wait that’s Norway. Well I hope your warm no matter where you are little baby. Wait I take that back I hope you warm where ever you are unless your in hell because he was a little rebel baby. Thought he could shit wherever he wanted. Constantly grafiting my walls and it always look awful too. Except one. It reminded me of bubbles. Hard to believe that kid was on sale for 5 dollars. He was a smart little fuck too. We used to have conversations when I was drunk. He completely understood me. I never really understood him though. I think his mom may have been a crack head. I need to find a donkey asap. Where is my friend? Who put this in my mouth? My visions tunneling. Black all around me. I need to run. Escape this. Where is my safe place. I need to know where to go. Get there quick too. I’ll take a left here. Get the fuck out of the way old lady. Why are they all chasing me. I don’t know them. Fuck what the hell is those sirens going for. Hopefelly not me. No time to look though. Just run. Breath deep. Come on. Snap yourself out of this. Deeper breath. Fuck this is tough. Run, but breath. Who invented this logic. Fuck just run.

“Mr. Manlow, Mr. Manlow are you awake”
Who the fuck are these people.
“Mr. Manlow your dead”