Around the country, almost without fail, viewers can tune into their evening news and hear yet another heart-wrenching story of one more nameless, faceless child who has been abused or neglected, abandoned or murdered. Sometimes the villian in these reports is a young, drug-addicted mother or an angry father. Sometimes it’s an uncaring foster mother or father. Sometimes it’s an adoptive family who puts on a front of harmonic bliss for all who know them. The possible scenarios and cast of characters is endless. Everyone has heard the horror stories about the purely evil foster homes and parents. They exist- just as the horror stories about the purely evil biological homes and parents exist. This isn’t about either and I am neither.

Yes, there are most definitely people who foster simply as a means of bringing some extra cash into the home. Yes, there are foster parents who at best simply use their foster children as a live-in housekeeper and at worst use these children for some sick, twisted, perverted purpose or other. Yes, there are parents who would rather their own child be dead than have to sacrifice a night of booze, drugs, and sex. Is one type of abuser any worse than the other? I don’t think so and I’m not sure it even matters really. In a perfect world, foster parents are sworn to protect and care for already fragile children, and biological parents- well, should naturally love and care for their children with every ounce of their being. Unfortunately, this world we live in is far from perfect. Parents (foster, biological, step, adoptive, and all others) sometimes hurt their children, whether it be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse; physical, emotional, or medical neglect. As long as there HAS BEEN abuse there WILL BE abuse.

As long as there will be abuse there will be a need for some type of child welfare system. And at this point, let me say that I have seen first-hand how imperfect this system is. I’ve seen it fail children. I’ve seen it fail families. At the same time, however, I’ve seen it bring help and happiness and exceed any expectations. It’s a necessary evil, in my opinion. I’m writing about MY beliefs, MY thoughts and MY experiences. Simply put- this is reflections on my foster-to-adoption journey.