“Hey, Pooper!” I hear. “You can’t kick with your left foot. Everybody knows that’s wrong anyway.” I try to ignore these ridiculous comments. “Anybody who uses the left foot, the wrong foot, is a retard!”

I turn away and bite my tongue, so I don’t add fuel to the fire. It’s harder than I think, because I’m tempted to turn around and yell,

“You just can’t do it! You think you’re so good, but instead, you suck!” But no, I pretend I’m deaf and that Cliff is not speaking English anyway. Here in the boy’s locker room, things are not equal.

I’m Rowdy Roddy Cooper; it’s just Roddy to most people, but at the field, I’m a Rowdy and one of the crew. I’m not one of the crowd, not one of the mob, but most certainly, one of the team.

Our name is The Rowdies, and we are an Under Sixteen Select Soccer Team that rocks! Select means we had to try out for the team. Every player is good, from the Goalie to the Defenders, to the Midfielders and Forwards. We are all good, so there is no one to blame if we play poorly, but ourselves. And that’s the way it oughta be…

A lot of guys are bigger than me, and act like that makes them better. Bigger and hairier. But bigger and hairier does not mean better. That’s why I like taking arguments to the field. Because that’s where the men are separated from the boys. You could be big and hairy and still play like a doofus.

This doesn’t really happen, but imagine if it did: The announcer yells into the microphone with a voice shaped by years of calling games, “And here comes the most unlikely player we’ve seen so far, Frankenstein, trying to dribble the ball with club feet. It’s trouble times two!”

It’s a voice that pleases ears, a voice made rich and mellow from decades of coffee and donuts. A true broadcaster’s voice, it is laced with excitement and ready to gush and exclaim at the next big play. And the scene continues…

“Frankenstein is approached by a Rowdies defender looking to take the ball away. Instead of fancy footwork or a head-fake, Frankenstein sticks out his chest and screams at the Rowdies player, who looks like he’s just crapped in his pants!”