Sabu Maso Pt.1
By: Richard Goodly and James Calabro

Nick was a cute kid who live on the 7th story of The Tower of Domination in rural Pennsylvania. He dominated school all the time but lacked friends. He had a girlfriend, and her name was Kasey May.

One day, Jimmy Calabro and Richard Goodly came over to Nick’s house and Nick was sleeping. They jumped on Nick and stroked his body as if they were humping him.

Nick screamed, “MASO!”

Still, Jimmy and Richard continued to stroke his body. At that instant, Mike busted the wall, dressed in camouflage.

“You could’ve just used the door,” said Nick.

“Yeah, whatever.” said Mike

At Taco Bell, they met up with Emily Grammer there and ate a taco. They stayed in Taco Bell for 7 hours, talking and eating Tacos. Then Jimmy said, “Uh, guys, why don’t we just go back to my house and rape…I mean, take Emily home?”

Richard stared.

“Sure, that sounds like a good idea.” said Mike.

“Shut the fuck up Mike!” replied everyone else.

Richard, Nick, Jimmy, and Emily headed home and left Mike at Taco Bell. Soon they met up with Lee who was playing guitar at Dairy Queen. “You’re playing guitar.” said Nick..

“Yeah, I know.” replied Lee Bacca.

James yelled “THANKS”

Soon after, as we start to leave Mike lands his jet plane in the middle of Sycamore.

“Uh, Mike where’d you get that plane?” asked everyone

“I made it from spare bike parts.” Mike answered

“Uh, alright…”

Suddenly Emily’s chesticles explode on everyone’s faces.

“Uh, what just happened?” asked Richard Goodly

“She was a robot, I told you guys she was a robot!” exclaimed Nick Barnes

Then Richard’s cell phone rings….

It was Mr. Ferguson; he asks Richard “Hey, I have a problem for you. What was the acceleration of the Emily’s chest juices as they impacted your face with a the final velocity of 14m/s and a time of 2 seconds and an initial velocity of 0 m/s?”

“Uh, seven?” Richard answers

“That’s right, you win the prize!” Ferguson says

“What’s the prize?” asks Richard.

Then all Richard hears on the other side of the phone is a dial tone…

“Who was that?” asked Nick

“Uh, Mr. Ferguson…” Richard answers

“What?”

“Mr. Ferguson”

“The physics teacher?”

“YEAH! MR. FERGUSON!”

“What?”

“Die”

So Lee, Richard, Nick, and Jimmy are stuck in the middle of Sycamore because Mike won’t move his fucking jet.

“Move the Damn PLANE!” yelled Richard and Nick

“You’re an asshole Mike” says Jimmy

“Alright guys lets go” says Lee Bacca

So we walk all the way to Jimmy’s residence. At his house, we played Star Wars for hours. Then Darth Vader walks into the room.

“Uh, hey Lord Vader” we say in a baffled manner

“It is pointless to resist…” says Vader

“Yeah, thanks”

“Yes my master…” Vader says

“What the hell are you doing here?” Nick asks

“What is the velocity of a ball as it free falls toward the earth?”

Vader takes off his helmet…then we realize that it is actually Mr. Ferguson. They stare in silence. Then he hands Richard a pack of Skittles and leaves.
So we continue to play Star Wars.

Aaron Tsay the Asian guy calls the Calabro residence and tells Jimmy to come pick him up because he needs to run on the treadmill.

“Aaron, why don’t you just run over here? You’ll get the same amount of exercise as you would on the treadmill,” says Jimmy. Aaron hangs up and not too much later Mike Titus along with Aaron Tsay bust through Vince’s bedroom window with parachutes.

“Mike, you could’ve just used the door,” says Nick

“Yeah, sabu fues” says Richard goodly

“Yeah, whatever” says Mike

Vince runs into his room along with the rest of the cross-country team butt naked. They all start whacking each other off so Lee joins in. Jimmy, Nick, and Richard leave and head to the library because Nick wanted some books. We got books…

We came back and Vince’s room was covered with sperm and ewoks.

“Freakin’ Sweet!!!” Jimmy yells

He picks up an ewok and bites its head off.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?” Richard and Nick yell.

“Maso Maso glamo” Jimmy replies

“What?”

“Maso Maso glamo”

“What”

“Maso Maso glamo”

“What?”

Suddenly the phone rings and it is Aaron Barnes and he asks for Jimmy.

“Yo whas crackin’ Jimmy?” Aaron asks

“Uh, nothing much juss chillin’ wit some ewoks. Why? Whassup?” Jimmy says

“Ah nothing just wonderin’ if you Nick and Richard would like to come over and watch The Notebook with me.”

“…Uh, alright…we’ll be over and a bit”

So they head over to Aaron Barnes’ house and on the way Nick trips on a stick.

While watching The Notebook, Jimmy came in his pants.

“EWWW Jimmy thas gross” Aaron says

“Uh, I had some Cream of Wheat” Jimmy says in defense

“Ay, ya’ll hungry?” Aaron asks

“Depends on what you got”

“I got two 4 million old t-rex eggs.”

“Uh…thas coo…I guess”

He cracks one of the eggs open and then the other egg begins to hatch!
“oh my god, ya’ll see this?” Aaron yells in amazement. As the head of the t-rex emerges
Nick chops the head of the dinosaur off with some scissors.

Meanwhile, Mike busts open the basement door covered in dirt from digging an underground tunnel.

“Ay, you coulda just used the door,” said Nick

“Yeah, whatever” says mike

Aaron pulls out his sawed off shotgun and blasts Mike Titus right in the face. Jimmy, Nick, and Richard hop around joyfully. They all dig a 6 foot hole and put mike in bury him. Jimmy suggests that we go to Wal-Mart to celebrate his death, but Aaron says he can’t go because he has to work.

They arrive just in time for the Suicide-Rape Party, but they passed on the suicide part and chose to go back to the Calabro residence. Jimmy, Nick, and Richard played Star Wars for a while them a maso piece of broccoli walks into the room and stares at us.

“Uh, who are you?” we ask

In a heroic voice he answers “Brock Lee Basil of the 21st Century”

We all laugh hysterically at the piece of broccoli.

“So you’re Katharine’s boyfriend?” Nick asks

“Yes” he answers. Then he leaves.