THE BREAKFAST TRIAL – JUDGE JAWKINS GIVES VERDICT

Court Rise.  Defendant Rise.

Ladies and gentlemen of the court, we have before us one of the most heinous criminals I have yet to encounter in all my years serving the bench. True, no one was murdered, or molested, though an offender willing to do as this man has done will surely stop at nothing short of genocide, given opportunity.

To recap the shocking events before us today, Mr. Anthony Herman Coldisson, a foreign tourist passing through our lands, went to the ‘Greezy Spoone’ Cafeteria Deluxe in Rochenwaldus Road, and with much malice aforethought, ordered himself an all day breakfast.  This in itself is no crime, as you all know. I have in fact myself indulged in such repast from time to time, albeit in more prestigious and expensive restaurants than many of you fine citizens could afford.

I digress, Mr. Coldisson, took such breakfast, and had an option to eat Beans, mushrooms egg, sausage, bacon, black pudding, hash browns, and tomatoes. He also had, as part of said repast, two slices of freshly buttered bread. 

The accused requested that the mushrooms be left from the plate, and objected to having to still pay for them, giving some indication of the attitude issues that were to cause such severe inconvenience to the Spoone staff and the legal profession later.

After this grievance was settled by giving the plaintiff a severe understanding that he would gain no compensation for foods not purchased but paid for as part of an inclusive feast, he settled down to wait for the meal to be issued.

The cook prepared the meal as lovingly as is the Spoone’s want, and it was delivered to Mr Coldisson’s table by a young waitress with a polite smile and all due courtesy.

After a few bites from the egg and bacon, Mr. Coldisson turned truly criminal. He took the bread and the sausage and added them together in the form of a sausage sandwich wit no regard for the shocked expressions of fellow diners and staff alike. 

His waitress, Miss Rebecca Althorpe, quickly challenged him as was her duty and right. Her statement, as you saw and heard here, read by her with such tears in her charming blue eyes, ran as follows;