A simian type in miniskirt, stockings, stiletto’s and a huge pair of false breasts under the flimsiest of black blouses, lurched towards me, tottering on the brink of a broken spine from the effects of too many stimulants combined with six inch high heels. I thought another fight was about to commence until I recognised something about the eyes…

‘Cool down, Marky, she just thought you were one of the leather studs we’ve hired for the evening. F..k, boy, can’t you do anything without messing up? She was just after a bit of fun, could’ve been the making of you. And we don’t want any more of that Ratchadam nonsense insulting the receptionist and beating up the security, what f..king planet are you on, boy? I got a right earful of abuse. Been taking too much ya ba, have we?’

‘What kind of shit is this? How can you get off on dressing up in women’s clothes, it’s…’

‘Quiet down, farang, we can’t have you screaming abuse in front of fifty cross-dressers, can we? You should try it, it’s incredibly liberating. You don’t even have to like the sex side of things. Besides, it’s a nice little sideline, 2500 baht a punter, work the figures out for yourself…’

‘F..k that. I’m not staying here with these lunatics. You can stick your job, I’m outta here.’

I turned round, walked into a brick walk, only it wasn’t concrete but the excessive bulk of Somgrai encased in a rather fey pink and purple jump-suit. I’d actually seen one guy smack him full in the face; all Somgrai did was shake his head, smile and then tear him limb from limb. I turned back to my erstwhile boss.

‘Er, well, as long as it’s just the odd pick up and drop off on the side I’m in. I’m not doing any of the sex thing, though, no way man. These monsters look like they’re dripping with the AIDS virus…’

‘I knew we could rely on you, dear. Let me make it very clear to you. We give you a package and an address. You take the package straight there, hand it over and get back to us. No peeking or stealing or even losing the contents. If you mess up, I’ll throw you to my good lady friends here and you won’t like that, will you? Got it?’