The years i fought to be me i find now i run inside my head from the things done to me the pain the hurt ,most cant step inside my head for the years i speak of it is hard to not get upset at things people think they know about what happened i have had a few say “why tell lies like this”,it is not lies it is what  happened to me 
at age 17 i went to visit my father in Georgia while still living with Taylor and a horrid thing happened to me.There i was for 2 weeks to visit my father and 2 sisters that lived in Georgia,everything was fine .spent time with my Grammy and my father(the time he gave me was not much).I got in to a fight with my Fathers new wife and decided to go stay with one of my sisters(Nell)I was at Nell’s house for a few days before this horrid thing happened.We had a great time hanging out ,spending time talking about my issues with Taylor,My sister Nell was not happy about it all and on the 4th or 5th day there ,We were sitting around drinking Tequila and lemon juice on ice with salt on it.I had one and was fine not even light headed ,doing great was not even close to drunk ,it was only a shot  with a lot of lemon juice and salt.When i finished that one Nell’s Husband  Art asked if i wanted another one and I said sure why not.He took my glass and went to the kitchen and after that i just sat there talking to my sister for what seemed 30 minutes or so.We watched the weather report and it said we had storms coming in from the west ,Then Art came in the room with this cat that ate the canary look on his face.I was like damn took you long enough,he just laughed and said heres your drink .Nell said he might have been dealing with the kids too.I really didn’t think anything more on it.I sat  there sipping my drink and all of a sudden i started feeling like i was gonna puke and pass out ,I sat my cup on the coffee table stood up and said”i think i drank too much,I’m going to go lay down”.I made it to my niece’s bed room and almost fainted in the door way.I drug my feet to get to the bed ,as everything was going fuzzy fast.I had my clothes on and kicked off my shoes and passed out.when the storm hit there was a lot of lightening  and the last thing i remember seeing or hearing was Art standing in the door way asking “how was your drink ?” I woke the next morning to no clothing on but my shirt ,and the left over remains of sex running down my leg .I could not for the life of me figure out what happened and where my clothing was at.I found the panties ,they where ripped apart ,the shorts where on the other side of the room .All i had on was my shirt and socks .Everything else was gone.I did find my bra  a week later in the toy box right before i started to go home to Taylor.No i did not call the police on this issue,I was not sure about it all till many years later.and I never told Taylor either.Up till about 5 years ago I used to wake from horrid nightmares screaming NO NO NO NO and starring at the doorway when storms would be happening,and i swear  i could see Art standing there laughing at me.My mental health doctor told me the mind never lies when there is Trauma  to it .I told him about what happened and he said “Seems to me you where date rape drugged,all the signs where there you just did not know it was that”.I have spent almost 20 years of my life trying to remember that night and it is all a blur to me,all i remember his him in that door and laughing and asking about my drink .Nothing more.I am 40 mow and i still see that man in the door ways in storms,I want to wake and remember what happened.Did I say no did I say yes,did I fight.These things I might never know  ever