“What are you looking at?”

“Your eyes…”

“What is so special in my eyes?”

“Your eyes give me life, a new meaning to everything…”

“And what about other things?”

“What other things?”

“I mean, how long do we have to hide ourselves from the eyes of the people?”

“Isn’t it enough that we love each other? Why do you want to disclose it to people?”

“A girl wants to get married and have her own little world. I want to marry you and give birth to your children,” she said very seriously and this change of tone was enough to pull his serious attention.

“I am looking for a flat near my office. We will be married in a month or two,” he tried to convince her.

Raman put his pen down and called Gita. Ten married years had passed and so many things had changed in their lives. They had two sons, Jolly and Sony, four and two years old respectively.

Raman remembered how much proximity there was between them in the first two years of their marriage. They would not and could not be away from each other for even a second. If he were reading newspaper, she would come and sit by him and distract him and he would not mind, instead, he would throw the paper away and embrace her tightly. If she were in the kitchen, he would enter the kitchen on one or the other pretence to be close to her. He would help her in cutting vegetables, washing and cleaning rice, cooking dishes, and so on. In those two years he had hardly written any story which was worth publishing. Since he had a permanent government job, besides his income from the already published books written by him, there was no financial problem in the household.
 
He remembered their bedroom was their little world and so much so that even the sound of the doorbell was intolerable, however important the visitor might be. They were really happy together.

Then came their first child and after two years the second. Raman began to drift away from her, so she felt or so she knew for sure. She began to be more involved with her children and Raman felt a little alienated and forgotten.

“Leave your newspaper and come here!”

“Why? What happened?”

“I am busy with children; switch off the gas in the kitchen!”

He would perform the desired task silently.

“Can’t you come and sit here with me?”

“You have your children with you?”

“They are asleep. All right, I am coming there…”

“I am busy writing something. Please don’t disturb me…”

“It has been more than three months…don’t you feel like it anymore?”

“There are other important works.”

“Am I not important?”

“No, Gita, you don’t understand. I mean I have to complete this book. You are always with me and my love has not lessened in any way,” he tried to convince her.

In the first two years things were quite romantic and beautiful.

“No, you can’t wear this shirt with these trousers!”

“Why? What is wrong with this shirt?”

“The colour does not match. And the shirt is not ironed properly…”

Now the scene is quite different.

“Where are my shirts?”

“They are in the washing machine.”

“What should I wear today?”

“You can wear the same shirt for two days, can’t you?”

“But this one is soiled and wrinkled?”

“It will hide under your coat!” she shouted from the children’s room.

In those beautiful years everything was romantic.

“Don’t you want to meet other girls?” she teased him.

“You are the most beautiful girl. I have the best one then why should I look at other girls?”

“I love you, Raman,” she would cling to him life a vine entwining a plant.

“You do, my love, and so do I.”

“But…when I won’t be as beautiful…”

“You will never lose your charm, my love,” he would press her close to his bosom.

Now the scene is ridiculously unromantic and he can’t understand why and how this transformation has occurred.

“Don’t you want to look in my eyes, Raman?”

“I have to concentrate on my thoughts because I am in the midst of a story…”

“You don’t praise my beauty anymore?”

“Gita, grow up, things keep on changing in life and nothing remains constant…”

“Is your love constant?”

“Love has transformed into something else and I can’t describe it to you,” he tried to get rid of her for the moment.

“You hardly spend any time with me nowadays. Your secretary, Mona, seems to be getting bigger share of your time, doesn’t she?”

“Gita, she is not only my secretary, but also a very good editor of stories. She is an M. A. in English Literature. She is a great help to me…”

“But she is young and beautiful, hardly twenty-two. Now you have started inviting her to our house…”

“She is my personal secretary and not the government servant so I can’t take her along to my office. Writing is my passion and after my work at the office I begin to fulfill my passion. Since I was unable to write much during last four years, there are so many incomplete stories. She is helping me with those stories…”

“Enough, she is this and she is that!” Gita was obviously angry.

How could I tell her that had she been as intelligent as Mona, I would have handed her all the responsibilities which Mona was fulfilling for me? She had not even thought of graduating because she believed, in those days, that marriage was the ultimate destination and there was nothing beyond that.

In those beautiful days, the things were different.

“Why don’t you want to study further?”

“Why should I study? You are going to be my husband, a highly qualified husband. Why should I worry about anything?” she would laugh.

“No, Gita, you can’t be so sure about the future,” he would try to make her realize that life was not as easy as she had assumed it to be.

Now, the house is turning into a place where a dedicated writer can’t survive. He needs an escape, a way out of that imposed reality which he had so happily accepted in the early years.

First it was her voice which gradually began to lose its charm for him. He began to feel happy if she did not speak.

“Why don’t you give more time to me?”

“Gita, I am always with you. What do you mean?”

“I mean, you have changed. You don’t find me attractive enough now?”

“No, you don’t understand anything.”

“I understand everything! You smile and laugh when Mona is here but when I am in front of you, there is a drastic change in your behavior!”

“New colours keep on adding to life, Gita. You are an inevitable part of my existence and I don’t have to remind either of us that we love each other…”

“But in those days you used to spend hours looking in my eyes, praising every feature of my face, uttering beautiful lines about me…”

“You are now a mother of my two sons and we have grown up together in this sweet little home of ours.”

“I don’t want to grow up! I want you to be the same Raman who used to admire me and spend hours with me!”

“But how can it be possible, Gita?”

“I can go back to college to complete my studies. After getting my degree, I would be able to help you…”

“Only degree won’t help. To be an editor of stories you have to be a prolific reader. Mona has read thousands of books and she can tell the writers just by reading the lines of their works. You won’t understand all that…”

“Why can’t I understand!” she shouted.

“Please calm down. All right, if you want to complete your studies, I will make all the necessary arrangements. You can leave the children with a baby-sitter and go to college. Are you happy now?”

That was the biggest blunder Raman had committed.

Gita began to go to college and he remained lost in the world of his stories. He did not realize how much dependent he had become on Mona. Gita would be away from home from nine to four and in her place Mona prepared tea and snacks in the house. Though they had arranged a baby-sitter, Mona spent enough time with his children. The eldest son was ready for school and Raman had already decided to send him to school after a few months.

“Raman, I am sorry, I am late today,” said Mona, rushing into the room.

“It is all right.”

“I had gone to my college to meet my old professors. Yes, Raman, I saw Gita there. She was coming out of the college canteen…”

“Yes, she is taking her studies very seriously,” said Raman.

“But there was….”

He lifted his eyes from his computer and looked questioningly at her.

She shifted her eyes in other direction.

“Yes, you were saying something, Mona?”

“No, nothing special…”

“No, Mona, there is something which you want to tell me…”

“She was with a young man, while coming out of the canteen. She didn’t see me but I could tell from their demeanour that they knew each other very well,” she said very timidly.

“Must have been an old acquaintance…” Raman did not want to continue the conversation.

He gave some papers to Mona and she got busy after that.

While she was reading those papers, Raman stealthy looked at her face. She was a very beautiful girl. Her wisdom and sense of understanding the world added to her grace. She was so different from Gita. Mona spoke but only after giving a proper thought to the words she was going to speak. On the other hand, Gita spoke suddenly without any prior hint or idea what she was going to say. Her manners did not present any kind of decency and her questions were mostly without any logical base. She was a woman driven by her womanhood and physicality while Mona was a woman who was driven by demureness, sensibility, grace of manners, and a very deep understanding of the life and world.

“Shall I prepare tea for you, Raman?” she kept the papers down and gave him a very pleasant smile.

“Yes, please…” he returned the smile.

He realized that his shy smile did not go unnoticed and Mona had read the expressions on his face.

At about four, Gita entered the house.

“Is she still here?”

“Yes, she is in the kitchen, preparing tea for me,” he lifted his eyes from the computer monitor.

“I will go and see,” Gita placed her shoulder bag on the sofa and rushed towards the kitchen as if she were afraid that someone else was in the process of endeavouring to dethrone her from her kingdom.

In the following few months, Raman was sure that Gita was trying to compete with Mona. She began to dress like the unmarried girls, changed her hairstyle, and began to use the words which are frequently used in the academic circle and less frequently in the social circle.

On the other hand, Raman was pleasantly surprised to see all those changes in his wife. Once again, she began to attract her. However, there was a difference in her manners in bed. While making love to her, he realized that she was merely performing her wifely duty and not enjoying the act. He thought that she was tired after her college. There were no other thoughts in his mind.

The conversation between Raman and Mona had begun to touch new dimensions and very often they talked about relationships, love, marriage, and separations. She was a highly intelligent girl and Raman was often defeated after a light argument. He did not mind it, rather, he felt delighted that he was defeated by such a beautiful and intelligent girl.

He was often disturbed by one particular thought which concerned his children. Of late he had noticed that Gita had begun to neglect their sons. He felt as if they were like a burden on her and she performed her motherly duties more out of compulsion and less because she loved them. He noticed that she spent hours in front of the mirror, changed dresses frequently, bought the latest of the designs and wore expensive perfumes. She had already dyed her hair brown with a few golden streaks in between. No one could guess that she was the mother of two sons and she had been married for ten years.

Raman was sure that those appealing transformations were meant to attract him. Little did he know that he was absolutely wrong and the target of those appealing changes in his wife was an unseen professor from the college where she was studying.

That evening everything began to make sense when Gita didn’t come back home. She phoned an informed him that she was out of station with her college mates. According to her, they were visiting a hill station and she would be back after three days. Actually, according to her, the programme was so sudden that she did not get time to inform him.

Mona was equally surprised when she heard about it.

“She can’t be so irresponsible!” she tried to give strength to Raman.

“I can’t even imagine that…”

“She is really enjoying her college life…”

That evening, Mona stayed there for a few more hours. She cooked food and fed children lovingly. She took her dinner with Raman and at about 9:00 pm she left the house.

Next morning, more out of curiosity than anything else, Raman visited Gita’s college. He was shocked to know that all her classmates were present in the classroom. A student informed him in a hesitant manner that she had seen Gita with her professor. She was leaving the college in his car.

Raman’s legs began to shake and mind refused to work. He thanked that girl and somehow rode his motorcycle back home.

After about four days, a lawyer rang the door bell and informed him that his wife wanted to take divorce. Being a writer and a cool tempered man, he did not think twice and signed the divorce papers immediately.

Raman was happy that Gita had not claimed the custody of the children, or maybe she wanted to get rid of them.

In the following six years, things happened too quickly in his life. Mona came into his life and life became intelligently beautiful and romantic. The children were living in a hostel and Raman and Mona visited them once in a month. Since they were too small to understand what had happened, they never asked about Gita. They began to accept Mona as their mother.

In the seventh year, Raman received a letter and it was a big surprise.

Dear Raman,

                           I don’t know whether you have forgiven me or not but I am sure that my children are in good hands. I am not apologizing for the mistake because I know that pardon won’t be enough to bring all that I have missed in life.

                         In that rush of time, I took decisions which were more out of jealousy and competition but I was wrong. I have realized that time is the most powerful factor in our life and if we miss those beautiful moments of love we miss everything. I went with the professor and married him but only after three years of our marriage I was face to face with the reality. We had married in a temple and it was a very quiet affair.

                          One morning, he left me with a note informing me that he had got a job in America and he was going to settle down there. I did not know that he had already made all the preparations without giving me even a hint. He was living in a rented apartment and after his departure I was forced to leave that house. Now, I am teaching at a school and with the salary I get I am able to survive. I miss my children. Would you be kind enough to allow me to see my children once? I am really tired of everything and I don’t intend to take any legal course. I know that you used to love me and I am sure that you won’t refuse….

                     I will be waiting for your letter…

The mother of your children

Gita.

Mona had tears in her eyes when she read that letter. She kept her head on Raman’s shoulder and began to sob.

“I am to blame for all this, Raman…”

“No, Mona, these things do happen in life. Women like Gita, who aspire to gain the wings of imagination, often fall back on to the ground. They don’t realize that time is all that we have and the moments once past will never come back….”

“Send her the address of the school so that she could meet the children…”

“I will, Mona. You are a great woman and a fairy in my life. You are so far from the envy and foolish competition which are often the main cause of downfall of women in this world,” said Raman and hugged Mona passionately.

After a while, he was busy typing a story and Mona editing all that he had written. They were so calm as if they had just completed a story about man woman relationship and everything had fallen into place so beautifully and satisfactorily.