I never thought twice about the spider.

            And I remember the church on the night I found out Sam was living there secretly, in the rafters, in the dark.  I remember walking into the sanctuary, alone, quietly, and hearing soft breathing through the ringing silence, and knowing that he was hiding away from his own monsters. But you can’t hide from monsters- they always find you.

            Do you see now? Do you see why I’m horrible, selfish, worthless? I try to convince myself that it’s because I understand- I understand the difference between a story and the truth (everything here is true), and I try to make everyone else understand, even when I hope I’m wrong. Even when I know that a story is so much more acceptable, so much easier on the eyes, so much more ideal.

            But even that is a story, because really the reason I am so vile is that I couldn’t save him. Sam needed to be saved, needed to be told that he himself wasn’t worthless, and in failing to be allowed to say it, in failing to make him listen to me, I failed him. I failed and I am horrible.

            I had to watch a very long time before I finally saw the scars he had, but they were there. Zippermouth and the Succubi and especially the Shadow Man told me they would be, and they told me the truth. And once I did see them I thought I would only have to watch more closely, more carefully, because surely the Shadow Man had made those scars (you see, I know from personal experience that the Shadow Man is very good at making scars), and I thought he couldn’t anymore if I was observant enough. How selfish of me to think that my monsters are the only ones who can cause pain!

            Five years ago I started to understand the difference between the truth and a story, or at least that there is a difference. This story may end some day, but it hasn’t yet. Or maybe it has, but I like to pretend it hasn’t because the ending was too sad. Sometimes the monsters tell me it was all a trick, my own imagination, but I know the difference now. Everything here is a true story.