One from the vaults, an unfinished piece I did a lot of research for at the time, it tells the story of Feodor a cursed young nobleman. It still needs some work, any comments would be helpful

Greetings stranger. I have not seen you around here before. A dead relative is it? I thought so. You can hear me can you not? Do not pretend you cannot. You want me to come into the light? Hah. No such luck, my friend. I do not like the light, or rather; the light does not like me. Perhaps you should come into the dark. Come, I will not hurt you, yet…That is it. Your eyes will adjust in time. Do you see me now? I am a strange creature, am I not? This skin, these eyes, these ears, these teeth…I am quite different to you, you see. You see my skin? So pale and ghostly, and my eyes so dark…so very dark. Do you see that my ears and teeth are more pointed than yours? Yes…For I am not human, you understand. Not any more…

How strange I must seem to you. A boy, all alone on a bench in a cemetery, so late in the night. I have my reasons. Would you like to hear my tale? I thought as much. Listen well, and I may be persuaded not to kill you. Oh, and believe me, I do not jest.

It began three hundred years ago, in Hungary, my homeland. I was born to a rich family: a young mother and a wealthy father, both in high status, in a house with many servants. I was a beautiful babe, so I was told. I had hypnotic eyes, my features were as perfect as those of a statue, but I was pale and thin. I had a blood red birthmark on my right shoulder, which I still carry now, in the shape of a knife pointing downwards. It would have been a fine life for a young boy, in our mighty house in the silver mountains, far from normal woes. I would have been a wealthy young nobleman with great estates to look after. But that was not to be. You see, my parents discovered very early on that I was not normal. When my delighted father took me out into the garden to show me to the servants, I began to scream. My lips and gums bled. My skin cracked and little streams of blood began to pour down my body. These terrible effects did not subside until I was carried back indoors. It was the sunlight that coursed it, every time that sun’s golden rays hit me I bled like red ink from an overfilled well.

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Comments (9)
  • Lucy Lockett on May 5, 2007

    The writing is good, a revamped classic!Just keep on writing, there are many good writers waiting to be discovered.

  • Lucy Lockett on Jun 2, 2007

    Are you planning on being an author or will that be a side line?

  • Emma C S on Jun 3, 2007

    I’d like to be a full time author, yeah, but I’m not really planning anything.

  • Lucy Lockett on Jun 5, 2007

    Put it out there and work on it, you have a talent!

  • Emma C S on Jun 5, 2007

    Yeah, well I’ve got a book I want to publish and it’s been doing the rounds at various agencies each holiday. Hopefully someone will like it eventually.

  • Lucy Lockett on Jun 7, 2007

    Only if you keep putting it out there.Rejections are hard to handle but losers are pain in the a…! Keep chugging!

  • DarkPrincessMags on Mar 13, 2008

    Well very well writen an enjoyed Thankyou keep up the great work

  • john hogg on Jul 8, 2008

    i would like to read more.

  • postpunkpixie on Jan 12, 2009

    I\’ve realised some people haven\’t noticed that this isn\’t the whole story, part 2 is in the related content link or on my profile

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