“I had better call the Fire Brigade”, I said to my wife, whilst looking around for a nearby telephone box to make the call (am not sure where my mobile/ cell phone was!). I dialed the emergency number (999 in the UK) and waited for their reply.

“Emergency, what service do you require?” came the hasty response.

“Fire Brigade”, I replied, getting ready to pass on the relevant information. I gave my name, location as best I could, not being too sure of the area and the details of the fire etc. I was then asked some rather strange questions…

“We are doing a survey at present”, said the call operator, “have you ever had to wear a uniform in any job you’ve worked in”.

“Well, yes”, I replied, “A while back, I used to be a Security Guard”.

“Were there any parts of the uniform you didn’t like wearing?”

“Yes, the tie, but what has this got to do with the fire? Please get a fire engine here quickly, as it’s getting out of control”. Looking out of the window of the telephone box, I could see the black smoke getting thicker and thicker.

“Is it OK if we come along but not wear our ties?” the operator asked.

“I don’t care if you come in the nude, just get here and put this fire out – NOW!”

“OK”, she said “I’m now going to put you on hold”.

“WAIT, WAIT “, I shouted, but it was too late. She had gone.

A few moments later a message came on the line asking me to record the details of my call. When finished I was to press ”1” to hear my message again, “2” to send my message or “0” to re-record it.

At the same time, my wife appeared outside the box, to tell me that the fire had been put out by a passer-by with a bucket of water and not to worry about calling the Fire Brigade. Obviously the fire was not quite as big as I had originally thought.

It’s probably just as well that this was a dream, as it couldn’t really happen in real life…

Or could it?

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