My brother is gone, my mother is gone, I have been unemployed for 6 months and I am 28 years old. You might be wondering what I did to wind up in my current situation. I hate to tell you that I did nothing to create this life I am living in. It happened suddenly and out of nowhere. It can happen to anyone. You can be the most loving caring human being and still have your life shattered numerous times. A person once said to me “God gives you only what you can handle”. Really? What the hell does that mean? Trust me I wasn’t born strong and if there is some reason for me still being alive I have no idea what it is. Who ever told God I could handle what he has given me needs to tell him to stop now!

Let me start from the beginning so you can understand why I feel a little jinxed you could say.

I grew up in a beautiful house in a safe suburb of Boston, MA. My mom devoted her life to my younger brother and myself. My father was quiet and sort of in his own world but was never mean to my mother or us. Needless to say my mother got a little tired of living with someone who was in his own world and they got divorced. It was a fast divorce and for some reason I wasn’t upset or surprised by it.  I looked up to my mother as a child and as I grew up we became best friends. My mom had a certain air about her. She was very strong on the outside but vulnerable on the inside. She was an actress and had lived a wild life until settling down with my father.

I am more like my father. We are more reserved, quiet and broken. My brother was exactly like my mother. They were daring, loud, strong on the outside and very sensitive on the inside. I admired my mom and brother for how they knew who they were right away. It took me until now to really find myself and I wish they both could be here now. My brother was taken away suddenly my junior year of high school, he was the first to die.

“Hey Samantha, are you going to Chemistry today?” Steve asked me as the buzzer went off for the next class.

“I guess I should. I haven’t gone all week,” I replied.

“True good point. Well if you get bored I will be in the quad,” Steve said while heading down the stairs. I hate chemistry. I hate everything about it and I have no clue what is ever going on in class. My father loves chemistry and believes that I don’t understand it because I don’t want to. Now that is the dumbest thing. Why would I want to be lost in class? Does he really think I enjoy sitting there for an hour totally confused?

I walk into class and sit in my assigned seat with my lab partner. He looks at me and giggles. I look back and start to laugh as well. We both know that I have no idea what is going on in class.

The chemistry teacher is now talking and telling us to take out some instrument or something when my guidance counselor walks in. My lab partner looks at me. I know I am in trouble. I should have at least come to class one day last week. My teacher and guidance counselor are now looking at me. I put my head down and begin to write in my lab journal, trying to look busy.

“Samantha, take your things and come with me,” my guidance counselor whispered to me. I got my stuff and followed her out. Once we got to her office she began to talk to me about an accident my brother had just been in. I looked up at her as if I had heard her wrong. I could have sworn she took me out of class because I was in trouble.

Next think I knew were in her car driving to Children’s Hospital. She was telling me that my brother fell in gym class and my mother wanted me to come to the hospital. That made no sense to me since my mom never over reacts and my brother is constantly getting injured.

“Samantha would you like me to come in with you?”

I looked out the car window we were in front of the emergency room. A pit had formed at the bottom of my stomach and physically my body knew something was very wrong but mentally I kept telling myself everything was okay.

“No I am sure it is nothing big. Thank you for the ride,” I hoped out of the car and walked into my new horrible life.