I step to the edge of the open door and fear shoots through every fibre of my body as if I have just been pierced with a metaphorical sword of apprehension and terror. Below me I watch as the once looming, menacing landscapes of earth dwindle away into what now resembles that of a map spread out on a kitchen table. My heart is racing, and I am longing to wake up and this all to be just another terrible dream. But it isn’t. I watch as vehicles drive by far below, oblivious to my trepidation thousands of feet above them, and I think to myself how much more I would be enjoying the view if I was not about to jump out of this safe haven in the sky. I check over all of the many straps, latches, and buckles that hold the parachute firmly to my back; this was it.

I was about to skydive.

The instructor indicates he is about to start the countdown. As he begins I sub-coherently remember an earlier time in my life…

            I was seven years old and had just been enrolled in swimming lessons against my own will. My sister, who was five at the time, was also in the same class as me as she had acquired a gift for swimming much younger than I had. I would always watch helplessly whenever we went on a family outing to the lake or the pool as she would dart around playfully, disappearing here, reappearing there, and laughing the entire time as if it were one big game. I would watch feebly from the side, sometimes wading in, but no more past my waist. I admired her, but was altogether immensely jealous of her absence of fear; how she could embrace the dark waters knowing that if something were to go horribly awry there would be no where to rest her feet. This was something I could not look past.

            As we entered onto the pool deck for our first lesson I could barely breathe, for I knew that sooner or later we would be forced to swim in the deep end; that grim, daunting body of water that had the ability to project fear into every part of me. Sure enough, our very first order of business was to walk around to the deep end and jump in. Everyone in the class was exuberant to go show off their skills in the fathomless waters; except me of course. I froze, petrified, knowing there was no way I could do this as I had already made a resolve to myself that I would not under any circumstances do that. As the teacher began to ask if I was coming, I turned and ran to the change room, fighting back tears of humiliation.