I hope you guys like this and would like to continue reading more about it,I was planning on keeping this going for a while,while Jimmy and the pup learn and grow together,on new adventures.Am very open to constructive criticism and more ideas.
I was thinking it might be time to take a new step in my writing”career”,and try to make this into a series kind of thing.

Bo. I think that trying something new is always a good thing to do. Your story has potential and should be pursued. However, I would like to offer one thing that makes this a little difficult to read. You have 45 sentences. 12 of the start with Jimmy, 11 start with He and 5 start with Bucky. That is 62% of your story’s sentences starting with names or pronouns. This could be an excellent start to a series if it went through an editing process.

BoJack, I found the stort utterly charming. Please carry on with it.

Christine

Correction, I should have written story not stort.

BoJack, writing a series is a great exercise and if you stick with it, can be a learning tool. If you want to hold your reader’s attention and desire to follow, my advice is to keep them family oriented and relatively short. I get the feeling that there may be a little truth behind this episode

Definitely keep going.

when i was reaading this.. i remember the story about the boy and his dog who want to go to heaven…

that was nice!

Bo I would definitely pursue something here.
Look into the editing suggested above.
I loved its content. Excellent.
Check you later. Hey when your famous dont forget us chuckle, chuckle.

I’d follow their adventures. I think it makes for a great series. This is a different side of you. Well done!

BoJack;
These are the things dreams are made of.
The simple pleasures of joy in life.
Mankind’s relationship with the Dog is something very sacred and profound. Keep it up.
Great heartfelt story.
Good emotional content.

This sounds like a very good start for a children’s series; is that what you were going for? It has potential, I’d like to see more

Great story, it really draws the reader in.

To me this sounds like a great children’s story series, I think that it could be fun, I do think it’s fun and descriptive enough for the minds eye, at least mine. I think it’s good, especially when there is so much hardship on people for them to read happy things.

You’ve done well with this piece. As you are open to a little constructive help, I would suggest that for any story [short or long], make the opening line a real interest-grabber to hook the reader.

That first paragraph where you’ve introduced the main characters could easily be broken into three or four separate paragraphs, with each individual paragraph building up the story.

Typo: “What’s a retriever”? Jimmy asked [the question mark should go inside the quotation marks] “What’s a retriever?” Jimmy asked.

Hope I’ve been of help.

Bo–

I think you should carry it on and learn as you go

Best of luck!

Inna

I agree it is a good story but could use a little work. Bick Parker is correct you need to start a story with a good hook. Something to grab the attention of the reader and keep them hooked. It took me a long time and much editing and constructive help from my instructor to learn these tricks. Sometimes, I still don’t know if I know how to write. Read: Autumn Weekend, Alexis and Wants, Dreams and Choices to see how to hook a reader. I think these are some of my better stories. Note: they are children’s stories for a mid-grade level. It helped me to read other writers stories to see how they wrote their lead in or hook. I also have problems with a good ending. It has to wrap up the story and not just end. That is one of my biggest problems. I hope this is of some help. Keep up the good work and never stop doing what you love.
Take care, Pam