Two girls lost in the woods. No Cellphone signals.

Our story begins with Miley and Kari lost in the woods of British Columbia. It has been three days and they have both become extremely tired and hungry. Miley saw that Kari, her best friend, was really weak, ?Kari, Hang on… I’ll be right back? Miley managed to say. She stumbled of into the trees as she left Kari there by herself. When Miley was 11, (She’s now 14, Like Kari) she took a survival course and learn what you can eat from the forest. She picked some cattails and dandy lions. As she was heading back to Kari she realized she didn’t have a compass Miley looked all around to see if she could find any trail marks, unfortunately, she didn’t because she hadn’t left any. Miley listened to hear Kari, If she was calling. Miley didn’t think Kari had the strength to yell. When Miley was lost in the woods with Kari, taking care or Kari, she was scared. But being lost in the woods by herself, taking care of herself, now she was frightened!!

Miley reached into her pocket, looking for her cellphone. She grabbed it out
of her pocket and waved it around looking for a signal. Miley heard her phone flash. She
knew that meant there was a weak signal. She had to make the best of what she had. Miley called the police station. She could hear the police mans voice but it sounded really static. All of a sudden Miley’s phone died and she couldn’t use Kari’s because one, Kari didn’t have a phone and two, she couldn’t find Kari. Miley ran through the trees. Then she saw a young girl and a boy probably around age five and six. She ran over to help them. The girls name was Tiffany and the boy, who was her brother, is

Jordon.

They were twins, both 6 years old. They said they had been out with their father who they called daddy, when they wanted to go play, but lost site of him. Miley wanted to help these kids but she was trying to help herself too. They were sat down by a rock, Miley sat down with them. She sighed, ?Come with me, I can find help.?

They got up and walked around. Miley was leading the two of them. Tiffany was complaining the whole time, ?Miiiileeeyyy!! Do you have any water? I’m thirsty!!?

She said.

Miley tossed back a canteen of water without saying anything. Tiffany and Jordon shared it. It had gotten late. Miley was already carrying the kids. She decided that they could stop for the night. Miley had a backpack on. She lay it down, pulled out two blankets, and two pillows. They had been meant for her and Kari, they had used those for the nights they spent there. The kids woke up and lied down by each other sharing one blanket and on pillow. Miley pulled up a blanket and a pillow herself. She said goodnight to the kids but they were already asleep. The sun went down, and the moon went up. Now it was time to sleep.

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Liked it
  • Inna on Apr 2, 2007

    Awesome!! I like it!! I just saw it today but it’s really good!! Just write more, I can’t wait for part 2!!!

  • Kizza on Apr 2, 2007

    Omg.. Its actually good. Wow… Well.. Good job. Bye.

  • Audai on Apr 3, 2007

    Not bad, just a bit confused at why they’re in the forests, the deal with the twins…and yeah…If possible, if you ever decide to, edit the story and add a bit more details about what’s happening. Also try to describe the surroundings and mood of the setting. And the thoughts of the characters at certain points. Sorry if I’m being to critical. Great story overall compared to Ben and Erics in my opinion.

  • Tabasca on Apr 5, 2007

    Hmm… Col storie!! Very gud storie! Its quiete gud!! Im not that gud at speling sory. I wud never be able to right that. My teecher wud say thares to meny speling erers. and it wud not be as gud as this anyway. Wel gudby. tak to you later. By

    -Tabasca

  • Erico Saballas on Apr 28, 2007

    crud my comment was too long!
    good but needs editing

    Tip 1:
    Objective(What your character want or achieve)
    Motivation(The reason why they want or to achieve it)
    Obstacle(what gets in the way?)

  • Erico Saballas on Apr 28, 2007

    Tip 2:
    Use your 5W’s

    Who, When, What, Where, When and How?

  • Erico Saballas on Apr 28, 2007

    Tip 3:

    Make your main characters problem hard, put on the pressure on them, make part of the problem feel like it is over then it gets more harder for the main character. Make it complicated and keep it going then when you reached the farthest point where you can’t get anymore complicated, YOU END UP DOING A GREAT JOB!

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