There’s something I’ve been studying
A subject close to my heart
I’ve discovered its only purpose
The brief life of a fart

“Farts don’t live” I hear
Well just you wait and see
When you hear all my evidence
I’m’ sure you will agree

They all grow like babies
From bacteria in your gut
You push and have a quick labour
Then their born out of your butt

They are vapour demons
Intent on causing fear
Some are ninja stealthy
As they escape out of your rear

Some are brass and bold
And make sure they are heard
While they seek out all their victims
With their killer whiff of turd

And now as you read on
You already know the facts I give
You will suddenly realise
These vapour demons live

When you have a number two
You don’t smell, you like to assume
But it’s hiding like a predator
And chokes the next one in the room.

In bed under your duvet
One escapes but you don’t care
You baton down the hatches
So it can’t get out anywhere

And when you think it’s gone
You turn and make a space
Buts it’s poised like a cobra
And pounces on your face

How many times have you left a room
And farted as you do
Hoping that it stays behind
Making that room smell of poo

But like a stalker in the night
It sneaks up, this toxic smoke
You turn around unaware
It’s there, you start to choke

Or when you’re in a crowded room
You very quickly learn
Someone’s demon has been born
And your eyes begin to burn

They want to wrap around your throat
They burn your eyes and skin
And once they get inside your lungs
You suffocate within

Now you must believe me
You know my words are true
I know you’ve also been attacked
These demons hunt you too

Now you know their purpose
Their evil ploy to give you grief
So thank your lucky stars
A farts life is very brief!