The First Book Of Mossop

“Thou shalt not live on beer alone,” saith the Lord.

“Aye lord, but I’ll have a damn good try,” saith Adam.

So on the tenth day, at about half past six, the Lord saw that Adam was corrupt. And so it was that by seven o’ clock, the Lord sent his angels to divide beer into bitter and lager, cider and wine, and thus confusing Adam.

 And so it was that Satan, the great serpent intervened, and taught Adam to mix his drink, forth creating the snake bite. And lo, Adams intoxication was greatly increased. And then Satan, that old serpent went unto Eve and spake. “Why should thee stayeth at home and cook thy Sunday roast for thine husband, whilst he gets plasterdeth?” And Eve saw that she was slave to man. And lo, Satan gave to Eve bitch fuel; gin and tonic, malibu and alas, ‘I’ll have a babycham’

 And the Lord was angry, and showed Adam his beer gut, and drinkers droop. And so it was that Adam became ashamed and clothed himself with animal furs. Again Satan came upon Eve, “Why should he leer all day at thine birthday suit, when thoust cannot see the pecker.” And so it came to pass that Eve saw that things were not equal. “I will showethh thee a way in which thee can seduce man into doing anything that ye desire,” continued the sinful beast. So Satan gave Eve make-up, sexy lingerie and styled hair. And so it came to pass that Adam was well and truly knackeredeth, for it was the truth that Satan spake. Adam saw that he desireth Eve’s body, but the Lord caused Adam to be flatulent, and did truly make his shite stink foul, and so, Eve was repulsed by Adam. Yet Satan spake to Adam, “What a scorcher” said he, and proceeded to teach Adam to laugh at his farts, and thus was born toilet humour. Alas, Adam was pleased, and his bowels were full.