A man was born into a strict Presbyterian household where the Bible was the rule and pleasure denied.  In his childhood he was never able to get a clear explanation as to how Mary fell pregnant with Jesus or who God was. He ran away at sixteen and took up sex, drugs and rock and roll with a passion. He was a very competent person, so he was able to control these proclivities, building quite a fortune by the time he was forty.  He made money, lots of it and this innate success drew women to him ( and the odd man ) so not being the marrying type he had a string of lovers both male and female. He was the true hedonist.

As he grew old ( he lived a long life – the black sheep always do ) death approached and one night after dinner, scotch and a cigar he died of a sudden heart attack.

He “awoke,” finding himself in a grand banquet hall. It reminded him of the castle he owned once in Scotland – oak panels supported grand paintings of previous lords of the manor. Gas lanterns flickered creating that dark, old-school feeling to the room. Before him, on a giant table, with candelabra, magnificent crockery and cutlery was laid, shining in the old-world glow.

A man – a butler – appeared suddenly. He approached him with a charming greeting, “Hello, Mr. Jones, welcome to your dinner.” Surprised that the man whom he had never met knew his name and hungry after the journey to the, “afterlife,” he asked the Butler, “Where, where am I?”

“Never you mind, Sir.” The Butler motioned that he be seated drawing a chair at the head of the grand table. He complied – moved was he to see what would happen next – in this curious room.  Seated, he noticed the menu laid on the table before him.  It was in French ( all plush restaurants have menus in French ) It read, “1. Entrée – Les Stimulantes. 2. Repas – Les Personnages. 3.Désert – Le Lucre. 4. Well, it was blacked out with a block of black ink, as if censored by someone. “How very strange?” He wondered; his wonderment dissolving with his strong desire to eat. He was ravenous!

As if by magic, each plate suddenly filled with the most tasty food he had ever seen. Small servings of lamb, oysters and a variety of starters – all decorated in the most contemporary manner.  It was so beautiful and he was so hungry – the Butler waved his hand – genuflecting that he should start his entree.  He placed the food in his mouth. It tasted like cocaine! He quickly placed it on his fork and put it on the side of his plate. He next grabbed an oyster to satisfy his hunger but it tasted like marijuana! “Yuck,” he spat. He tried more but each pretty dish he tasted all tasted like some form of drug that he had tried when he was alive.