A conversation started between two people, both alone, and yet both married to spouses who were several states away with their own agendas going on.  Two people who learned that cell phone texting and telephone calls managed to fill up the voids during the day and the blanks at night.  Two who were lonely for friendship that wound up finding love in the next lane over. 

I have no realism towards romance.  What was once a dream as a child quickly faded as an adult.   Responsibilities of jobs, family, caring for others needs were to be answered and that was the entire day.   Going to bed at night was to go to sleep and finding any solace in the darkness was left to my accord.  

I had found two who were to love me and said the vows according to the gospel truth and yet neither of them came with a gentle hand.  I grew up in a harsh world of reality.  I had made my bed, now lie in it.  I accepted what was to be my fated hand of cards.  What happened in the midst of my life between age 20 and 45 is not wasted years as I have wonderful children and grandchildren and I have learned and experienced a great deal in the process.  What I missed was true love.  

The great economy.  With people losing jobs left and right it was only a matter of time before the income rocked our house as well.  My husband with his bi-polar effects and his “I rule the kingdom” attitude brought his down instantly when it was necessary to let the first person go, he was the likely candidate.  He came home and started packing to return to our home state.  Looking at me, he said, “I am leaving, you do what you want to do.”  For the first time in 25 years I did just that and watched him leave.  I packed up the remaining household goods, my son and my determination to stay here and make it on my own.  We moved into a small place that is easier to maintain and cost less.  The mortgage company doubled our mortgage and there was no way I could remain there and make it.  

While trying to make my life here I made trips back to see my family and to spend time with my husband to see what remained of our marriage.  The absent phone calls, the emails, the constant insinuations of infidelity and harassment needed to end.  For now I had a few friends to talk with and try to gain my own ground.  He pursued through his own friends his suspicions and all the while seeing someone on his own time.  He found work and a comfortable place to stay.  With his illness the matter only worsened.  He called his friend and stated that I was to get an ultimatum to either return there and live or to file and end this.  He again relayed his suspicions and doubts of my life here.