I started milking the joke, getting as much mirth out of the situation as possible.  “Hey man,” as I imitated the Cigarette Badger, “want me to get you some cigarettes? Want me to go kill a snake?”  Now, to clear things up a little bit, I made a mistake in this anecdote.  I had gotten confused (understandably) while I was tripping on the pills, and I mixed up a badger with a mongoose.  Everyone knows the mongoose is the snake’s natural worst enemy.  Well, I had thought the badger was at that time.  I guess if I was in a perfect, sane world, I would have appropriately named him the “Cigarette Mongoose”.

                I started taunting the wretched Cig-Badger.  I approached him and stated, “Beware! I am the snake!”  I then proceeded to drop to the ground and start slithering towards him like a serpent.  “What the are you doing man!?” he said.  I heard him, but he wasn’t going to fool me, I was going to settle the score with my warm-blooded nemesis once and for all.  I continued crawling across the ground with my arms pinned to my sides flailing my body to move.  At some point I lost all control and my head slammed into the ground.  I split my lip open and spit a piece of my right front tooth out.  I stood up and looked at the Badger.  I started giggling as blood dripped off the end of my chin.  “Dude, you’re messed up…” he said as he walked away.  No worries!  Though I had taken a few injuries from the battle, in the end, I, the limbless conqueror, had emerged victorious at last!

                The Cigarette Badger got back to his work after making some pocket change by buying the skaters cigarettes.  It was a Saturday night in July, and every Saturday there was a car show.  Buona pizza always set up a stand out on the street in front of the store, and now the mighty Cig-Badger had to carry all the stuff in.  He made countless numbers of trips in and out, in and out, in and out- picking up item after item.  Clever was I, and I noticed this before any of my other comrades.  I made a hypothesis that Buona Pizza was deceiving in its appearance.  Though it looked small on the outside, it really had a room with infinite space.  It had a never ending room where anything could be stored.  Ah ha!  The Cigarette Badger was planning to steal everything in the world!  I told my friends my theory.  “Think about it guys!  Eventually, he’s going to steal the whole world!  He’ll be backing up towards the entrance with the Earth in his hands, holding the door open with his wretched badger leg!!”  They stared at me for a second or two, and then burst out laughing once again.  Yes, I thought as I licked my fat lip with my tongue, another good night.