The Litter Man

by R J Dent

– Anything else, sir?

          – No thanks. Just the can of drink.

          – Eighty pence then please. Thank you.

          – Thanks. Goodnight.

          – Goodnight, sir.

          Here goes. Back out onto the street. Nice warm evening. Glad I got this drink. Bit of a dry throat. I’ll stop and open it in a minute. Here’ll do. I’ll put my bag down, open the can and drink some now.

          It’s not as good as it used to be. Company’s been taken over by an American firm, I think. Probably end up with a name like Zapple Juice or something inane like that. Okay, let’s go.

          Where can I throw this empty can? Not a bin in sight. I could drop it onto the ground and hope no one notices. Yeah, great. A quiet evening like this and I’m hoping no one will hear the loud clatter that this can will make when it hits the ground. I think I’ll just wait until I find a litter bin.

          Who’s that over there, on the other side of the road? Why’s he looking at me? Do I know him? Does he know me? It looks like Alan. Is it? No, too scruffy. Perhaps it is Alan, disguised as a tramp. I can’t really see his face. Just a pale blur under these stupid orange street lights. They change all colors. And what’s that he’s got under his arm? A long parcel! A yard-brush! A rake! A snooker cue! Looks like a gun! No, it can’t be. Not a gun. What sort of lunatic walks around at night with a gun in his hands?

          An escaped homicidal one, that’s who.

          I’m sure it is a gun. A rifle. It certainly looks very much like one.

          Oh, no! He’s crossing over. He’s crossing the road and coming towards me! Go away! I hope he’s not an escaped homicidal maniac who’s managed to find a gun. What if he can read minds? He’ll be angry about my thoughts and might kill me. I know, I’ll think nice thoughts about him. That should stop him from wanting to kill me. And no running! If I run, he might be tempted to take a few shots at me. Just a nice, steady walk. That’s what’s needed. Tidy, neat steps. Just me minding my own business, that’s all.