An unearthly bang in the beginning , cave paintings somewhere around the middle; or was it one in the eye for Harold in a battle concluded somewhere around lunch time and that leads us here to the present day that all seems so queer in light of this yet seems so normal and stable to us.  Maybe I should begin this story in the middle (as I see no other relevant place to start).  Yes, in the middle as it were.

I had previously been transported through a looking glass into a parallel universe where everything is backwards; or indeed everything is forwards to these poor fat little orange inhabitants who walk with their legs on their heads and wear their hats up-side down; or maybe right side up as the case may prevail.

Oh dear I’m afraid this makes no sense at all.  Maybe I should begin at the beginning what a rather jolly very good place to start.  I was playing with a dear, a female dear, and singing rather merrily through the C scale, maybe it was a song in the key of C, though I had no time to concentrate as I Wandered Through the giant pink archway, that was the path to my mind’s eye and self-consciousness. ‘Twas lined with banners saying ‘GOD SAVE THE KINKS!’ and highly revealing picatitures (as it is pronounced in my mind along with such words as albunum and moonday, yet I have no sense of minutes, hours months, years, decades, centuries, millenniums or indeed days so this would seem highly unimportant).  I came insight of a bright, yellow light that pulled me towards it.  As I got closer I saw a wonderful looking friendly young  moose, not my type at all, though I did have some friends that were into that sort of thing, I was much more of a bird and beaver man myself, Grrrr! Lager! Football! Tits!  How cintilating! He was calling out my name.  This was rather queer as I hadn’t met this moose before, or I don’t recall meeting this particular moose before, as I never forget a face. Actually, to be precise I have never met any moose before, therefore it would be rather jolly splendid now to meet such a creature.  Furthermore, I do hope I can meet many of it’s friends and have sleep-overs and tea-parties, as I am a rather jolly big fan of tea.  Strong Yorkshire tea to be precise, two and a wee bit sugars and a moderately generous amount of cold milk. Though not too cold.  There’s a certain amount of sensitivity amongst sensitive teeth that lodge themselves between my inscissors and canines.